ORLANDO — Disney celebrated the grand opening of its newest park attraction today, consisting of a roped off area in the middle of the Magic…
NEW YORK CITY — Self-described classical music aficionado Michael Rangel’s night at the Metropolitan Opera House was met with disappointment after realizing the experience was…
LOS ANGELES — Goldfinger frontman John Feldmann took to Instagram to clarify the band’s seminal hit “Superman” was in no way or shape inspired by…
CHICAGO — Local man Ken Tillman was left in shock and disbelief earlier today after learning his Grok powered AI girlfriend had never seen the…
SEATTLE — Amazon surprised its warehouse staff throughout the country today with the announcement of a mandatory 22-hour warehouse shift to commemorate Labor Day, exhausted…
GAITHERSBURG, Md. — A report released by the National Education Association on school preparedness found that U.S. teachers were exponentially more likely to have a…
One of the best aspects of childhood was it being so natural to ask what, why, and how anything and everything existed. And for us…
LOS ANGELES — Emergency crews were dispatched to the newly opened Tesla Diner after six patrons were left with life-threatening injuries as a result of…
There was a time when any time I’d see that obscenely wealthy asshole Jeff Bezos gracing the cover of Forbes, I’d wish I could just…
Whenever I’ve heard “Jolene”, it always triggers some intrusive thoughts. Like if a bank teller can be hot enough to almost tempt someone away from…
ALLENTOWN, Pa. — Local man Adam Jones fell under scrutiny after his claims of “liking all genres of music” was merely referencing King Gizzard and…
It’s no secret that modern life can be profoundly anxiety-inducing. From the rising cost of living to maintaining relationships, one can easily forget how to…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — The very fabric of space and time which holds the universe together began to unravel after punk band Torch Failure began…
It’s been said that men are happy with the simple things in life, if you’re going off of their predilection for dino nuggies and furnishing…
NEWTON, Mass. — A local man’s once beloved band tour shirt was unceremoniously demoted to being worn exclusively as pajamas after the group was declared…