HOUSTON — Registered Libertarian Dale Kramerson announced today that he will not be voting in the 2020 presidential election as an act of defiance and to demonstrate an ambiguous and poorly thought-out objective, bewildered friends reported.
“Voting is actually one of the least effective ways to exercise your civic duty, and you’re all sheep if you believe otherwise,” Kramerson said while using a copy of “Atlas Shrugged” to do bicep curls. “As a lifelong Libertarian who just happens to have voted Republican for all 30 of my balloting years, I can tell you that these candidates are all the same. I love my country as much as the next guy, but things need to change big time around here before any of these candidates earn my precious vote.”
“Also, I don’t have a car and the polling station is like, a 20-minute walk away. No, thank you,” he added.
Friends of Kramerson were confused, yet unsurprised by his strong conviction towards voter abstention.
“I’m not sure he fully understands how voting works,” lifelong friend Rachel Gleyber noted. “Or Libertarianism, for that matter. He’s staunchly against entitlements, yet collects unemployment. He vehemently opposes taxes, but dreams of the day when he can start receiving social security. He despises ‘Obamacare’ but gleefully benefits from the Affordable Care Act. He just doesn’t connect the dots.”
For their part, conservative leaders commended registered voters who are committed to sit back and wait for the absolute “perfect” candidate to run before participating in the election process.
“Voter suppression is hot right now,” Republican leader Vince Guyman said with a hearty cackle. “So it’s great to see our Libertarian cohorts willingly carry out voter absenteeism all on their own, without GOP leaders having to resort to complex gerrymandering and voter ID tactics — it makes our jobs much easier. We like our voters to exert high moral principles, but have very little substance or clear objective in their message. We have a saying among conservative strategists: ‘A vote for no one is a vote for Republicans.’ We hope to keep the voter disillusionment rolling in 2020.”
At press time, Kramerson was sharing an original meme of Sam Elliott in a cowboy hat that read, “Taxation is theft, but that’s just my opinion” on Facebook.