ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Aspiring musician Evan Wohrman spent the majority of an hour yesterday weighing the pros and cons of bringing home a pair of used bongos from a nearby Goodwill, concerned employees confirmed.
“This isn’t a decision that should be taken lightly. I’ve been working on a new track, and I think the subtle hint of a bongo in the background — building into a full-blown bongo solo — might really set the song apart,” said Wohrman while looking at a stack of heavily damaged Harry Potter books. “I already know I’m walking out of here with the ukulele and children’s’ electronic saxophone I found in a crate by the bathroom; those are no brainers.”
Witnesses report Wohrman kept returning to the bongos every time he circled the store.
“About every 15 minutes or so, there’d be a couple taps on the bongos… and then a clumsy rhythm would pick up. Then, like clockwork, I’d hear a loud sigh and he’d walk away,” said Goodwill assistant manager Debby Alvarado. “As tough as it is to see someone struggle over whether or not to buy a set of gently-used bongos for $8, it’s even harder when you witness the person donating his bongos: they usually sit out in the parking lot for hours, tapping away, until they finally work up the courage to give them to one of our associates at the drop off center. That’s a part of the job they just can’t train you for.”
Reportedly, Wohrman’s live-in girlfriend Kelsey Fuentes did her best to discourage the purchase when she learned it might be a possibility.
“Evan sent me a photo of the bongos without saying anything. As a joke, I texted back, ‘sexy pair of bongos’ with two chestnut emojis… and he immediately replied, ‘I thought so too, plus blue tag day so 20% off,’” said Fuentes. “I reminded him that he already bought a mini drum set and a keyboard without the power adapter last week. I haven’t heard back from him.”
At press time, Wohrman was seen loading the trunk of his car with a novelty air hockey table and two boxes full of discount DVDs.