LOS ANGELES — Tanya Corrigan was shocked to learn that a conversation she had in a Waymo car was recorded and sent to the friends she was criticizing, sources confirm.
“I was utterly humiliated when Waymo sent what I said to my friends,” said Corrigan. “I was just blowing off steam to my sister on the phone after I found out a bunch of them were having a girls’ night and didn’t invite me. I went to a lawyer right away, but apparently Waymo reserves the right to record and report anything said or done in their vehicles—it’s all in their terms of service. For some reason the car’s AI thought it was important for my friends to know I had called them ‘cliquey traitor bitches’ and wished they’d all get diarrhea.”
While Corrigan’s friends weren’t happy to hear what was said about them, they were even more disturbed at the prospect of autonomous cars reporting on their passengers.
“I got a call from Waymo, which was just a robot voice reading a transcript of stuff Tanya had said about me,” said Anna Stephens. “Frankly the whole thing is creepy. Everyone talks shit about their friends, but now we have to be aware that some piece of tech might be eavesdropping on us. I understand Waymo snitching to the cops about a crime, but this an overreach that’s going to ruin a lot of friendships. And Tanya, if you’re reading this, we didn’t invite you because you cry every time you drink and we’re tired of it.”
Tech writer Ian Dominic says we better get used to tech-snitching because it’s here to stay.
“Snitching and creeping are so in right now,” said Dominic, sporting a pair of Meta glasses. “People need to accept that privacy is an antiquated concept. They should get with the program and take advantage of living in a digital panopticon. For example, suppose a man suspects his wife is cheating. In the past he might hire a private detective, but now between AirTags, Ring Cameras and location tracking, he has an array of methods to follow her movements and monitor everything she says. Heck, you could even keep tabs on ex-wives or maybe a barista that was nice to you once.”
At press time, Corrigan revealed she used Waymo’s snitching feature to get the message to her boyfriend that he needs to get a job soon.
