WATERTOWN, Mass. — Local privileged layabout Tyler Blake regularly asks friends if they’re free to hang out during normal working hours, according to baristas at the cafe where he spends much of his time.
“Tyler is cool, but he doesn’t understand what it’s like to work for a living. We all know he’s got rich parents and has never had to have a real job,” said Blake’s friend Mark Slotkin during his 15-minute break. “Today he asked if I could meet up for brunch with some girls he met in the city. I reminded him that I work until 5:00 every weekday—and also that I’m married. Then I got yelled at for texting during a meeting.”
Blake expressed disappointment that many of his friends aren’t up for spontaneous fun.
“I get that a lot of my buddies have 9 to 5 jobs, but still, if I’m offering to fly us to Vegas to see Phish at the Sphere for example, they could just tell their boss something came up and they gotta bail,” said Blake as he packed for Burning Man. “The thing they don’t understand is that while I don’t have a traditional job, I do have a lot of projects in the works. For instance, right now I’m writing a screenplay and I’m finishing up my EDM album. I still manage to make time for fun—It’s all about work-life balance.”
Some wealth management agencies have begun coaching their clients on how to better blend in with working class friends.
“We recommend that our clients avoid associating with the hoi polloi altogether, but if they insist, we have recommendations on how to better fit in,” said Susan McTodd of Gilded Lily Advisors. “We tell them to be vague about where their money comes from. If their friends want to know why they’re free on a random weekday, they can claim to have a remote job with flexible hours. If pressed further, they can say they do IT for a plumbing supply company, for example. You know, something so boring sounding that it will deter follow-up questions.”
At press time, Blake had sent a group text at midnight on a Wednesday asking his friends to meet him at a Boston bar where Ben Affleck had shown up and was buying rounds for everyone.
