SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Local 42-year-old punk Chet Roberts, who has spent the last 27 years living day-to-day in suspended teenage animation, isn’t sure what he wants to be when he grows up, confirmed sources who all they know is that they don’t know nothing.
“Man, as crazy as it sounds I feel like I’m starting to get to that age where I need to start thinking about my future and what I want to do with my life,” said Roberts from behind the counter of the coffee shop where he has worked since the second George W. Bush administration. “I guess at some point your carefree adolescent teen years need to come to an end and now that I am in my early 40s I guess that time has started to come for me. Now I need to start thinking about what kind of job I want to have and maybe even start thinking about settling down and starting a family.”
Some Roberts’ friends and bandmates say that while they get the sentiment of starting to think about the future that he is getting a little too ahead of himself.
“It’s some real normie shit to start thinking about what you want to do with your life at this age. We just graduated high school 24 years ago and also our band is going to get signed and become huge any day now,” said Jeff Perkins. “Next thing you know we’ll be walking around with health insurance and bank accounts and paying our taxes and living in houses with working heat and running water. What kind of bullshit is this?”
Therapist Suan Paragon says she sees this type of confusion and uncertainty with aging scenesters who have spent decades living a lifestyle that caters to idealistic youthful values.
“We see this problem a lot with people who have been involved in punk and hardcore music scenes. Those involved in these scenes obsess over music written primarily by teenagers over 30 years ago and it seems to trap the fans of this music in a perpetual cycle of believing they are young and that becoming an adult is something that will never happen to them,” said Paragon. “Even more dangerous is the message in this music that says all of life’s problems can be solved by believing in yourself, standing by your friends’ sides, and never being a part of ‘the system.’ It all sounds great when you’re young but when you need to pay for a prostate exam or physical therapy for arthritis in your knees that fantasy falls apart pretty quickly.”
At press time, Roberts was said to be looking at brochures for colleges that he may apply to and that he was excited at the idea of living in a dorm room like a real young adult.