Alice in Chains has consistently been one of my favorite bands ever since I was growing up in the 90s. The metal-infused riffage of Jerry Cantrell mixed with the beautifully sonorous and haunting vocals of Layne Staley made them the stalwart in the Seattle grunge scene we’ve all come to know and love, and I often find myself revisiting their catalog with what feels like the perfect combination of nostalgia and genuine musical appreciation.
I’ve also prided myself on being somewhat of a literary enthusiast, and I enjoy applying the analytical skills I’ve honed through years of reading to song lyrics. As such, in revisiting one of Alice in Chains’ biggest hits “Rooster,” I’m beginning to think it’s not actually about the daily life of an average rooster, as we’ve all come to understand it.
Crazy, right? I thought so, too, but let me provide 5 arguments to back up my claim:
1. Roosters do not have sweat glands
According to Google AI, which I recognize as a consistently reliable and accurate source: “roosters do not sweat. Instead, they regulate their body temperature by panting and losing heat through their unfeathered skin.” Why then, is the opening line of the song “ain’t found a way to kill me yet, eyes burn with stingin’ sweat”? Granted, Google AI did not yet exist when these lyrics were written, but I can’t imagine one of my favorite bands could not be bothered with a trip to the library to ensure their song about a rooster’s daily farm life was accurate. Let’s play devil’s advocate and say that was the case, though. How, then, would we explain #2?
2. Roosters are incapable of carrying a machine gun
I didn’t even need to use Google AI for this one. Never in the history of the human race have we encountered documented evidence of a rooster holding a machine gun. This flies directly in the face of the lyric “walking tall, machine gun man.” Unless this song is written from the point of view of some opposable thumb-possessing, anthropomorphic rooster, which is absolutely ridiculous, I’m left thinking there must be some other meaning here.
3. Roosters are not permitted in the Army
That’s not to say that animals have never served in our nation’s armed forces. Carrier pigeons and horses have proved themselves invaluable in past conflicts, to say nothing of the famed Seargent Stubby, a Boston Terrier who served on the frontlines of World War I by warning of impending mustard gas attacks and comforting wounded soldiers. However, top military experts have yet to think of a non-ingestive purpose a rooster can have in defending the country. Hence, the “Army green” line of this tune is nonsensical if taken literally.
4. The lyrics contain no mention of crowing at dawn, protecting the flock, or fertilizing eggs
These activities are paramount in the daily life of a rooster, so any song with themes central to the species would have to make at least some allusion to them. Yet, as I sit here scouring these lyrics, I see nary a reference to any of them. Could it be that the band just temporarily forgot how a rooster spends its days as they were writing them? Possibly, but I’m hard-pressed to believe a temporary case of writer’s block could make it all the way to the studio. While this point is pretty damning, the last may be the final nail in the coffin for the “actual rooster” explanation.
5. The music video does not contain a single rooster
While I can see counterarguments made for any of the previous reasons, this last is simply too glaring to ignore. I analyzed every frame of the music video, and while there were numerous shots of a farm, and even some horses and cows, there was no rooster. I simply cannot fathom why the band would do this, unless there is some cryptic meaning to this song that I have yet to grasp.
There you have it. With this, I rest my case and leave it up to you, the reader, to draw your own conclusion. Do you agree or disagree with my take and, if the former, what do you think this song is actually about? Hopefully, one day we will be able to get to the bottom of this. In the meantime, I’m going to begin a similar analysis of the song “Angry Chair.”