WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump recently paid his respects to filmmaker David Lynch with a drawn out speech primarily focusing on his deep admiration of “Blue Velvet” antagonist Frank Booth, confirmed sources who sort of already suspected this was the case.
“Look, this David Lynch guy? Pretty interesting director. ‘Blue Velvet’? Very tremendous movie,” Trump said. “Fantastic guy, this Frank Booth. He knows what he wants and he just goes for it. Nobody’s going to get in his way. When he has that encounter with Dorothy at her apartment? Very nice, very romantic. I don’t know why that Jeffrey thought he had any right to try to stop it. Dorothy obviously loved Frank very much. It was all very consensual. Perfectly consensual. And meanwhile, he’s so nice to his friends. When he toasts his good friend Ben and Jeffrey doesn’t say ‘Here’s to Ben’ with enough enthusiasm? Frank immediately calls him out for not being polite. Good old-fashioned manners. I modeled my administration just like Frank’s close circle of friends.”
MAGA voter Jim Hudson immediately shaped his own opinion based on Trump’s.
“I don’t know anything about David Lynch—wait, actually, did he make ‘Fight Club’? Now that’s a movie that understands the modern man right there,” said Hudson. “But if Trump says this Frank Booth guy is great, I know he’s right. He’s always correct. I just checked out Frank’s Wikipedia page and it says he’s a crazed psychopathic gangster. I’m sure he’s just misunderstood. I mean, how bad could he be? Seems like he would’ve been against the mask mandates, so clearly he’s my kind of guy.”
Film scholar Jon Waterson expressed amusement at Trump’s enthusiasm.
“Frank Booth is obviously a representation of all of the worst characteristics of the American male in the Reagan era. He’s unhinged and violent, and coerces sexual favors through psychological torture. I’d be very concerned about anybody who claims to identify with him,” said Waterson. “But then again, Trump once said his favorite film of all time is ‘Citizen Kane,’ and anyone who’s seen it knows perfectly well that Kane is the bad guy, so who knows. At least I think so. I’ve never seen it.”
At press time, Trump was fielding a question about his administration’s policies on food safety and regulation by urging reporters to “check out the chicken dinner scene in ‘Eraserhead.’”