FORT WORTH, Texas — Local metal frontman Frank Fortibus inadvertently let out the best scream of his entire career during a call with customer service, deafened sources report.
“Well, they always have you talking to some machine, and that wasn’t gonna cut it,” said Fortibus, lead singer of Tungsten Hound. “And they can’t hear for shit, plus they take you through, like, 10 goddamn menus and make you press a bunch of numbers. I really had to make it known that a representative was what I was after. So I let it rip. Unfortunately, that was the best fucking scream I ever laid down. Really kicking myself for not calling in the studio. Over 500 performances with my band, and this topped them all. Next show I’ll be sure to call my credit card company to get in the right frame of mind.”
Fortibus’ bandmates were upset that the singer hadn’t put his outburst to proper use.
“We really needed this kind of vocal enthusiasm when we were at our show in Denton the other week,” guitarist Darrell Haynes complained. “Frank sounded like he had merely stubbed his toe the whole night when we really needed him to act like he’d been on hold for two hours only to be hung up on in the end. Like, he sounded fine, but that’s not going to resonate with our audiences. He’s gotta harness this negative energy and think of this moment every night from now on.”
Professional vocal coach Riley Hale believes that this experience is valuable for all performers to keep in mind.
“It’s important to envision real-life scenarios like this on stage,” Hale said. “With bass players, if they imagine they’re playing a song they wrote themselves, that leads to a much more energetic performance. Likewise with singers. It’s all about getting to that primal core of yourself. These heavier bands need to take a trip to the DMV for inspiration. Or, they can drive during rush hour to really unlock their inner aggression. Some of the most prominent lead singers of our time were made during traffic.”
At press time, Tungsten Hound were writing a new song with a sample of an automated “Your call is important to us, please hold” message before the breakdown.