WASHINGTON — Popular ‘70s gay icons Village People announced they would be performing at multiple Trump inauguration events and will feature a new lineup made up entirely of cops, sources with perfectly groomed chest hair confirmed.
“This is the Village People everyone has always wanted. We’ve trimmed the fat, no more cowboys, no more bikers, no more Native Americans, just six boys in blue who love working out, hanging with the guys in the locker room, and giving thanks to the machoest macho man of them all, Donald Trump,” said Village People founding member, and convicted felon, Victor Willis. “Don’t worry, we are going to play all the hits, and if anyone so much as whispers about how we seem a little gay I will sue the crap out of you. Since when is it gay to have a handful of buff guys sing and dance to disco? Thankfully our Republican fan base understands.”
Trump supporter, and lifelong Village People fan, Trent Lepoita says he is excited for the inauguration festivities.
“This is going to be such a great day. I’ve done so much to prepare, first I’m making sure I eat light, I trimmed all my body hair because I feel like a real American patriot when I’m well-groomed, and I gave myself an enema because this is the best country in the world,” said Lepoita. “All the guys at the bathhouse I go to are just as excited. We told our wives to not expect us to come home, things might get a little wild when the boys get together to celebrate Trump and see the Village People in all their glory. I’m so excited I could squeal.”
President-elect Trump praised the news about the new Village People lineup.
“The Village People, some of the best people I ever met. Really great people, all of them. But now they are even better. All of them are cops now, can you believe that? I had a cop come up to me the other day, real big strong guy, nice mustache, really thick. I asked him how he got his mustache so thick and he said ‘That’s a great question nobody has ever asked me that before,’” said Trump. “Then he started tearing up and told me the only reason he likes being a big tough guy cop is because of me. He said that. He said he looks at me and sees the toughest guy around. He compared me to Batman, think about that. Batman.”
At press time, the new Village People lineup were seen harassing a group of teenagers for loitering outside a 7-Eleven.