NEW YORK — The Chrysler Building was recently overheard complaining that it wasn’t one of the buildings targeted by terrorists on 9/11, a close source with knowledge alleged.
“As a born and raised Manhattanite, I obviously love this place,” stated the aging Art Deco style building. “But if those terrorists wanted to give this city a real gut punch, why didn’t they target what used to be the tallest building in the world, specifically from November 1929 to May 1931? Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t want to suffer the same fate as my pals down at One World Trade Center, but deep down not being thought of highly enough to be on those baddies’ hit list does hurt a little. Maybe people would appreciate me more if someone finally tried to take me out. Then they’d be sorry.”
The Empire State Building, which eclipsed the Chrysler Building as the world’s tallest when it opened in 1931, was tired of hearing it whine for so many years.
“Oh boy, here comes the trauma dump,” said the eighth current tallest building in NYC. “He fails to realize that if he were a target on that infamous day, he’d be a pile of dust by now. He’s like that annoying coworker who you don’t invite to your wedding because they always go on about how much they hate weddings, only for them to gripe when you don’t invite them. Honestly, I’d love to spend more time being a sounding board for his insecurities, but if you couldn’t tell by the lineup for my observation deck, I’m kind of busy here.”
Architect Guy Denis explained that it’s not uncommon for buildings to wish they were more popular.
“Just because these buildings are made of brick and mortar, doesn’t mean their hearts are,” said Denis. “Big cities change quickly. What was once a popular tourist destination over time loses its luster and gets overshadowed by something newer, taller, shiner. But oftentimes this insecurity is simply jealousy. Before he started rambling on about 9/11, Chrysler’s main axe to grind for years was not being chosen to be climbed by the titular beast in 1933’s ‘King Kong.’ That’s what we in the architectural world call a straight up petty little bitch.”
At press time, the Chrysler Building was evacuated after receiving an anonymous threat that many close acquaintances suspect it had made itself.