NEW YORK — Ahmir K. Thompson, better known as Questlove from the band The Roots, recently questioned what kind of horrible person he was in a past life to have been forced to work for Jimmy Fallon on “The Tonight Show” for the past 15 years, according to other staff members wondering the same thing.
“I know it seems like I’ve got a good thing going here,” a rehearsing Questlove stated before being pushed aside at his drum kit by Fallon who wanted to spontaneously riff. “But as you can see there’s more to life than money and fame. You know what it’s like when you feel pressured to laugh at every stupid joke your boss makes? It’s like working with a real life version of Michael Scott without the charm. I’ve never believed in reincarnation until a few years ago when I figured I must have been a real piece of shit in a previous life to have to see this guy’s face every day. I probably massacred a whole village of 18th century peasants or something.”
Fallon chimed in with his take on Questlove’s employment.
“He’s such a kidder!” giggled Fallon as he handed out copies of his latest holiday album to anyone unfortunate enough to make eye contact. “Seriously, that dude knows he’s lucky. He gets to practice his craft while at the same time having a front row seat to one of the funniest shows and most zaniest hosts on TV. Trust me, bro, people love me. They tell me to my face all the time each year when I do their yearly reviews and their paychecks depend on it.”
Expert Katie Simpson explained how reincarnation may impact other celebrities.
“The list is long,” said Simpson. “Many celebrities in unfortunate situations may very well have done misdeeds in past lives. According to my research, Kevin Eubanks, who spent his career working with Jay Leno, lived a past life where he was in charge of signing off on the safety of hydrogen to fuel the Hindenburg. And DJ Tony, who had the dubious honor of working with Ellen Degeneres on her talk show for eight years, was found to have very likely been the reincarnation of Joseph Stalin.”
At press time, Questlove nearly drove off the road after Fallon jumped up from the back seat with one of the Jonas Brothers for an impromptu karaoke song.