When I left home to become a big-time mall Santa divorce attorney in New York City, I never thought I’d end up back in my hometown on Christmas. But Daddy was struggling with his jingleitis, and after Mom passed from that tragic tinsel factory explosion he promised he’d never sell the family business. And ever since the GrinchMart moved into town, demand was low for his world-famous artisanal taxidermied squirrel Christmas tree toppers. So there I was on Christmas Eve working at Mom & Pop’s Xmas Squirrel Tops, when Officer Caleb walked in.
I always had a crush on Caleb, but I left for State College University before I ever found out if he felt the same way. Immediately there were more sparks than that tragic tinsel factory explosion that killed my Mom. But just as we started to reconnect, my high school nemesis Madison walked in. I knew she was going to try to steal Caleb away from me, so I knew I had to act fast. If my pro-bono work as a defense lawyer for underprivileged elves has taught me anything, the quickest way to get an officer’s attention is to reach for his service weapon.
‘My, what a big, strong gun you’ve got there’ I cooed as I unbuckled the strap and seductively removed his gun from the holster. Well let me tell you it worked wonders, because as soon as his hand met mine his face blushed redder than Rudolph’s nose and he couldn’t take his eyes off me.
Things got hot and heavy quickly after that, and next thing you know he was whispering sweet Miranda Rights into my ear and escorting me into the back of his muscular police car! What a gentleman—you should have seen the jealous look on Madison’s face as we drove away.
From there, he whisked me away for a torrid holiday romance. He booked an exclusive photo shoot just for me, and even treated me to a romantic evening in a private hotel room! It wasn’t anything fancy, just a bed and a toilet—but it was simple and blue-collar, just like my Caleb. Unfortunately, there was only one way to know if his love was true: I had to run away, and if he chased after me I’d know it was meant to be.
So I slipped out of my handcuffs and escaped into the night, knowing that if Officer Caleb came after me, this time he’d cuff me forever. As I drove away in a stolen police cruiser covered in blood with a hostage in the trunk, the red and green Christmas lights faded from view. I just hoped that the next lights I’d see would be the red and blue sirens from Officer Caleb delivering the greatest Christmas gift of all—love.