Well, it’s that magical time of the year again. It’s the holidays and all that capitalist bullshit that we used to make fun of when we were younger and best friends. You remember those days don’t you? When we supported each other and our dreams? Like when we started bands and were excited for each other? Boy, we had some good times, didn’t we?
It’s also the time when everyone on social media shares that “You’ve heard of elf on a shelf but have you heard of…” meme. And sure, it’s funny and all and I get most of the jokes but I ask you now for real, as my friend, you’ve heard of Elf on a shelf but have you heard my band’s demo I sent you six months ago?
Seriously though, I sent it to you over the summer and you haven’t said a whisper about it. You haven’t reached out yet to tell me how sick it is. And obviously you would have done that immediately after listening to it because it is sick.
It’s the gift-giving season when friends give each other presents that are meaningful and will bring joy to their lives and I gave you the greatest gift of all… the gift of music. My music! But I guess you’re “too busy” with your “job” where you “earn a living” and don’t have to mooch off your “girlfriend” who you “hate” and will “definitely dump once those A&R guys hear your demo and you get signed”, right?
I know for a fact you went with your family to see Christmas carolers which I know you hate. How long did that take, two hours? But you can’t take time to listen to my psych-garge-hypno-core opus? It’s only 72 minutes of your time. I thought we were friends. Maybe I need to have Santa put another copy of my demo in your stocking?
And honestly, I don’t want to hear the excuse that since we released the demo only on cassette and not digitally that it makes it impossible to listen to. How hard is it to go on eBay, find someone selling a cassette player, make sure they aren’t a Russian scammer, enter your credit card number, pay for it, make sure your identity hasn’t been stolen, wait six weeks, and then get the player and hook it up to some old speakers (somehow) and listen to my band’s demo? Is that asking too much for one of your oldest friends?