WASHINGTON — In a reversal of his previous pledge not to interfere with the sentencing, President Joe Biden has pardoned Hunter Biden after an aid casually referred to him as his son, an incident the President has called “a shocking reveal.”
“I know that reversing my stance on pardoning Hunter Biden is unpopular, but try to understand having a kid changes you and occasionally makes you forget you even have one in the first place,” said President Biden. “From the moment I was told Hunter was my son this morning I knew I would do anything in my power to protect him. America, I have a son.”
While political analysts predicted this pardon to be issued sometime this month, many find his publicly stated rationale for doing so puzzling and concerning.
“This abuse of power comes as no surprise, but the fact that Biden seems to have forgotten he was related to Hunter in the first place is alarming,” said CNN fact-checker Harold Schmitz. “Does he know he has another kid? And a grandchild? Not to mention, a dead son? And can he still launch nuclear weapons?”
While not weighing in on whether she agreed with her father’s decision, the President’s daughter, Ashley Biden, cast doubts on the move.
“You ask me, Hunter would have had it easy in prison. I hope he has fun explaining to Dad that he’s not Cornpop every 5 minutes for the rest of his life like the rest of this family,” said the 43-year-old daughter. “You know what, here’s my laptop, I’m sure there are some crimes on there somewhere, I need a change of scenery, take me away.”
At press time, President Biden was seen boarding Air Force One carrying a baseball glove and a copy of “Bill Cosby on Fatherhood.”