In the book of Genesis, it is said that the Babylonians endeavored to build a tower that could reach heaven. God, feeling threatened, made them all speak in different tongues, leading to confusion and war so they would never reach their full potential. It’s a chilling metaphor for what happens when there isn’t a crappy TV show we’re all watching.
Understand, the problem goes beyond actual language. Back in the ‘80s, you took one English speaker and one Spanish speaker and they had a communication tool that for all our duolinguo lessons we just don’t have today—they both watched “Different Strokes” last night. Was it a good show? No. Did they enjoy it? Absolutely not. But it was the only thing on, so they watched it, and now these two hypothetical strangers have the mutually shared communication touchstone of “What you talkin’ ‘bout Willis?” Something they can both grasp and build on.
In the age of the internet and content over-saturation, we as a nation have been divided into thousands of tribes. Even when we speak the same language, we don’t understand each other. Today you can take two random English speakers of nearly identical circumstances—race, gender, economic status, whatever—sit them down together and there’s a good chance neither will know what the hell the other is talking about. One has no idea why the other keeps saying “brat” in a weird context. The other won’t know why the other keeps saying “Vaccines are poison” or “Theo Von.” Within 20 minutes they are confused, angry, and ready to rip one another’s throats out without really understanding why.
We are at a precipice. It is estimated that “Seinfeld” reference comprehension has sunk by 25% in the last year alone. Nearly 65% of Americans still haven’t seen all of “The Office.” A recent study showed that 80% of High School seniors can’t find Steve Urkle on a map.
Remember “Lost?” Remember how you could be in a room with someone you had nothing in common with, but you could say “What IS the island though?” and they would say “I think it’s purgatory!” What I’m saying is that having that tiny little universally understood reference is the only thing between us and full-blown civil war.
We just need to pick one. It does not need to be good. You do not need to enjoy it. It just has to be palatable enough to watch so that we all have at least one thing we can point to and say stuff like “That guy is a real (name of boss) from (mediocre television show we’ve all seen for some reason.). So, America, what’s it gonna be?
It can’t be prestige TV. It can’t be challenging in any way. It has to be something just good enough to where someone says “Wanna watch another one?” and you go “I guess.” “Law & Order?” Not everyone loves that show, but come on, who hates “Law & Order?” Too much copaganda? Okay good point, not that one, maybe a sitcom? A really lazy sitcom.
I’m not asking for much. I’m not insisting we all become enlightened citizens of the world and watch “Eurovision,” that’s not gonna happen. But 30 minutes with commercials about a dad? A dad with problems, whose set-in-his-ways outlook is routinely challenged in amusing ways, or whatever? We can do that!