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Opinion: This Band Is Hands Down the Worst Shit I’ve Ever Heard and You Couldn’t Pay Me to Ever Listen to Them Again, Good People Though!

So last night, they had their monthly metal show down at Reese’s Rock Quarry and there was this band called Gorelick, right? Holy shit were they awful. I mean like, probably the worst band I’ve ever seen in all my years of going to that shit hole bar. I hated every second of it, seriously. The Gorelick dudes are super nice guys though.

They had a fucking xylophone player. How cool and unique huh? Wow. It was fucking terrible. It sounded like “Knick-Knack Paddy-Whack” but mixed with Six Feet Under and Staind. I talked to the guy playing it, Alex, after their set though and he was super cool. We talked about cool shit like old-school wrestling and Sega games for like an hour.

They call their vocalist “Jimmers,” apparently. I was actually tempted to go up on stage and ask him if he was doing okay. I couldn’t help but feel torn between embarrassment and anger and felt like the only way out of his situation would be stopping the set immediately by setting off the fire alarm system or something. Jim’s old band Corpse Huffer was legendary though. He’s helped actually keep the scene alive for the last decade or so. He’s good shit.

Dale, Gorelick’s guitarist, has also been an integral part of the scene for decades. He was actually the guy who put on the benefit show for my dog who needed an emergency operation on his kidneys, and I’ll forever be grateful for him. But my god does he suck at guitar. I mean, it’s like he’s trying to break the record for the amount of recycled Celtic Frost riffs crammed into a 3 minute song.

I talked to their drummer after the show a bit too. He said he really appreciated how much fun it looked like I was having. He mentioned how it looked like I was laughing pretty much the entire set and the whole band was vibing from it. I told him “nice set,” gave his band a “follow” on Bandcamp, and we went our separate ways. He was a really cool dude.

Aside from the awful shit music that the garbage band was playing, the show was a good time! Maybe someday I’ll be able to enjoy these types of things with a partner. My last relationship was with someone who had absolute dog shit taste in music. Good people though, I miss her.