PITTSBURGH — Local man Greg Walters reportedly found the answer to all of life’s problems and challenges in the form of a non-running 1985 Ford F150 Long Bed he impulsively purchased on Facebook Marketplace for $800, bewildered friends confirm.
“This truck is going to change everything. It’s not just a truck; it’s a lifestyle, a project that will give my life purpose,” Walters declared while standing in his driveway next to the rusted-out shell of what used to be a vehicle. “I have always felt this existential emptiness in my chest and this baby here is exactly what I need to fill it. This baby boasts an impressive 80,000 miles on the odometer—but that’s probably rolled over once or twice. Sure, a few of the engine pistons are locked up, there is no fuel going to the carburetor, and when I try to turn on the lights they spark and almost start a fire—but that’s why I got it, to put my whole self into something that needs saving.”
Friends report that Walters asked them to help him spend the afternoon carefully inspecting the truck’s body and listing everything that needs work.
“For a guy that knows nothing about cars [Walters] is in way over his head. The passenger side door barely hangs on its hinges, and the rear bumper is held on by what appears to be zip ties. The brakes are completely seized, and the floor of the cab is completely rusted through,” Walters’ friend and mechanic Amy Zariah said. “I have a feeling this is just going to end up as one of [Walters] long abandoned projects. Like when he decided to become a sneakerhead and spent $1,200 on a single pair of shoes.”
Dr. Angela Marino, an expert in consumer psychology at the University of Pittsburgh, weighed in on the situation.
“There’s a phenomenon where, as people age and can’t find fulfillment in their social life or career, they sink their time and money into, shall we say, lost causes. It’s a classic example of trying to reclaim a sense of purpose through a task that’s almost guaranteed to be more frustrating than rewarding,” Dr. Marino explained. “In Walters’ case, he appears to be seeking fulfillment in a project that will likely require extensive talent and resources, neither of which he has in abundance.”
As of the latest reports, Walters has yet to work on the truck whatsoever, but has instead gotten into woodworking after seeing a TikTok about refurbishing mid-century modern furniture.