Boy, we sure are having a great time at this deathcore concert, aren’t we? These drop A tunings and inhaled death growls are really pumping me up, and I’m seriously considering heeding this ear-gauged singer’s urgings to take part in the mosh pit. I just ask that, while we all work to “open up this fucking pit,” so too will we promise to open our minds to new learning experiences. I’d say it’s about time we explore our options!
We can start right now, while we’re waiting for the breakdown to hit for the wall of death. Why don’t we brainstorm ways that we can use this experience to enrich ourselves going forward? For one, we can consider this the first step in building a lifetime exercise routine that will leave us focused, alert and more receptive to the benefits provided by future mental stimulation opportunities. Just be careful you don’t trip over the empty sixteen-ounce Miller Lite cans littering the ground during this newfound journey to self-actualization. Let’s keep this up!
Now we’re back to a conventional circle pit, but let’s not lose sight of the overarching goal here. Why don’t we make a promise to avail ourselves of educational services offered in our respective communities? Sure, hitting the pit and busting some fucking skulls is a fun way to pass the time now, but the skills we’d gain from taking a class on wild mushroom foraging would last us a lifetime. Or how about basic woodworking? Building even a rudimentary knowledge of the tenets of such a valuable trade can yield immeasurable rewards. Let’s make a mental note to research community college or public library course offerings at the first chance we get!
OK, the vocalist just kindly reminded us to “fucking kill each other” as the trem-picked riff over double bass kicked in, so we can let loose a bit and have a little fun. Afterward, though, I propose looking into organizing a little group to take a day trip to the Museum of Natural History. That guy in the Whitechapel shirt and flat-brimmed hat who’s vomiting into the trash can next to the chemical toilets seems like he would be absolutely fascinated by the various entomologic and mineralogic specimens of the Mesozoic era. We should ask him to join us once he’s sobered up!
As you can see, the prospects for mental growth stemming from these calls to beat the absolute shit out of one another are legion. With a little creativity, we might be able to transform the inevitable CTE from this type of behavior into a marginally less debilitating form of CTE. So what are we waiting for?