RONKS, Penn. — Local anarchist and aspirational revolutionary Steven Franks felt foolish after discovering that he accidentally became part of an Amish village a full three weeks into his stay at a new “commune,” bearded sources confirmed.
“I joined this village because I believe the exploitative capitalist society we live in can only be taken down by embracing agrarian traditionalist means of communal production,” said Franks as he churned some butter. “The simple clothes these people wear help reject corporate logos and materialism, the horse and buggies reject the pollution that cars create, and the beards I figured were a statement about rejecting capitalist beauty standards. It wasn’t until I saw the people’s horrified looks after suggesting we have an orgy that I realized I joined the Amish because let’s face it, anarchists are just Amish people that fuck.”
The village elders were predictably stoic when asked about their decision to kick Franks out.
“We often have city folk who come to our village and ask to join,” said village elder Thomas Yoder. “We took compassion on this fellow due to his torn clothes and angry countenance because we believed he needed our compassion. He proved to be a good worker, but ultimately his fornicating ways and rejection of Jesus does mean he shall burn in hell for eternity and we couldn’t allow his corruption to plague our village. We’re going to tell him that he needs to go on Rumspringa soon and hopefully he doesn’t come back. Otherwise we will have to do the worst punishment of all, shunning. And who likes being ignored?”
Political Scientist at Penn State University Lauren Pryce talked about how common it is for anarchists to accidentally join various groups.
“Steven here definitely isn’t the first anarchist to join the Amish or any other number of seemingly unrelated groups,” explained Pryce. “For example, I’ve known anarcho-punks who joined the Promise Keepers because they thought they were just another group of straight edgers. There was the other one who joined the Gregorian monks because they wanted to include the chanting into their punk band, and finally I remember that one guy who accidentally joined NATO thinking it stood for Northern Anarchist Theater Organization. The point being: you’ll find anarchists in all sorts of strange places.
At press time, it was reported that Franks had accidentally become the libertarian candidate for President after going to the wrong anti-government convention.