“King of the Hill” is the greatest animated sitcom not invented by Matt Groening, and even when we take that little show into consideration, it’s pretty close. It’s also a surprisingly musical show, with quite a few major and minor characters either performing or having hard opinions about various genres and artists.
But while different episodes are devoted to exploring the merits of classical, rock & roll, country, bubblegum pop, hip-hop, nu-metal, coffeehouse folk, and bluegrass, the show is surprisingly coy about which characters, in the social media era, would start a YouTube channel to share their 20-minute psychedelic dark ambient synth compositions with the world. So we are left to sort it out for ourselves…
30. Boomhauer
Dark ambient is inherently stoner-friendly music, and Boomhauer is not only a Texas Ranger, he’s a lot less chill than you would think. As far as he’s concerned, having a dark ambient YouTube channel is probable cause for a search warrant. Governor Abbott publicly supports him on this stance.
29. Hank Hill
Believe it or not, Hank actually does have a YouTube channel, boasting 50-something subscribers, and he does play music on it. However, Hank is firmly on record saying that good music consists of “two-minute stories about falling in love or burning down Georgia,” which is about as far from dark ambient as you can get. Since most of his love songs are about propane, not Peggy, he does his best to keep the channel on the down low.
28. Joe Jack
Despite his stint with the Propaniacs, Joe Jack just isn’t all that interested in performing, and any time his Spotify algorithm tries to play something chill and ambient, he just says “This music is makin’ me feel kinda sad, honey.”
27. Chane Wassanasong
Chane definitely has a YouTube channel, but it’s mostly pick-up artist tips that would make Andrew Tate cringe. He’ll pivot to music at some point, but if you think it’s going to be anything other than over-produced bro-country, you’re deluding yourself. And we do mean over-produced. His dad is the richest guy in Arlen, and will spare no expense for Chane to turn himself into a Laotian version of Jason Aldean.
26. Lane Pratley
Arlen’s least scrupulous businessman (and man, that is some stiff competition) might consider dabbling in SUPER-dark ambient synth if only to help his own father give up on life so he can finally get his hands on Pratley Cadillac. The old man just keeps holding on, and Pratley Ford/Hyundai ain’t cutting it these days. But Lane’s more of a Travis Tritt guy, and the idea of buying a synthesizer makes him question his masculinity, so no.
25. John Redcorn
John Redcorn has three interests: Native land rights, middle-aged married women with fake migraines, and late-’80s butt rock. He sometimes tells his massage clients that the chill Native-instrument-inflected music he plays during sessions is actually his own work, but it’s not, and no one believes him anyway.
24. Jimmy Wichard
He gave it a shot, but producing dark ambient requires the patience to hear the same droning sound for hours on end, and every time he made a mistake he’d shout “Stupid keyboard, you’re not the boss, I’m the boss!” into a hot mic. He doesn’t understand multitracking software well enough to know he could just mute that part, so he gave up and tried to sell his keyboard for scrap.
23. Cotton Hill
Is it the Andrews Sisters? No? Then go fuck yourself.
22. Debbie Grund
Again, making dark ambient takes patience, and while Debbie has that going for her—she was willing to lie in wait for Buck and Liz Strickland in a dumpster, of all things—she also managed to accidentally shoot herself with her own weapon because she wouldn’t put down her gas station nachos for a second while climbing into said dumpster, character traits that suggest more of an inclination toward Pantera fandom.
21. Buck Strickland
The man has more depth than you might imagine. It’s not all eating, humping, DUIs, and making Hank run the propane shop. When he’s at his lowest, he’s been known to break out his vintage Moog and make some of the most haunting sounds you’ve ever heard, but he’s also been banned from YouTube for reasons that are too gross to get into, so he’s really got no way of getting his music heard. A poker buddy suggested he try Bandcamp and he just rolled his eyes and re-raised on the flop.
20. Randy Miller
He has a keyboard, and his patent lawyer father can certainly afford to get him an effects processor or two, but he learned the hard way that playing “Hot Cross Buns” and “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” with a moderate amount of reverb is not going to win over dark ambient fans. And once he learned about the whole stoner-adjacent thing, he almost had a panic attack.
19. Stuart Dooley
After a long day of apathetic bullying and occasionally getting spanked by Peggy Hill, Dooley has been known to dabble in dark ambient home recordings, but whenever potential subscribers check out his comment history, they run for the hills. He really needs to create a second account for his music, but that’s way too much effort.
18. Joseph Gribble
Joseph suspects that playing any kind of music at all might get him closer to touching a boob, and he has access to Dale’s keyboard rig, but there’s something about droning chords with shit-tons of delay that makes him so horny he’s never been able to get more than 90 seconds into a recording without running upstairs to grab the binoculars and try to get a glimpse of Luanne.
17. Nancy Hicks Gribble
She has hours worth of material archived that she made to score her, ahem, sessions with John Redcorn, but a clause in her contract as the local weather lady forbids her from having any other media presence, even a homemade YouTube channel that doesn’t even feature her likeness. At least once a day, she considers saying “to hell with it” and breaking her contract, but someone’s got to pay the bills, and it’s sure not gonna be Dale.
16. Enrique
When he and Yolanda went through a rough patch, Enrique found solace in reverb-drenched soundscapes, and even started building a YouTube channel called Enrique’s Ethereal Emotions, but as soon as Yolanda took him back, he abandoned it entirely. The single track that he uploaded currently has 11 views and 2 likes.
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