KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Local Lord of the Rings Fan Eldridge Carey has shared his overwhelming appreciation for “the detail and nuance” within current Taylor Swift lore, confirmed sources close to the self-identified nerd who has not stopped talking about this new obsession.
“At first I wasn’t impressed with Swift’s lack of references to medieval music,” said Carey. “But then she mentioned how she heard Gandalf’s voice in her head every time she re-recorded one of her songs and I knew I needed to learn a little bit more. I started by mapping the character arcs of each boyfriend and immediately recognized the fully realized hero’s journey that Swift has embarked upon. And when I got to the symbolism of the cardigans and friendship bracelets, I was sold.”
Fans of the singer have shown support for the new recruit, but also remain skeptical of his ability to understand Swiftie lore.
“This guy is clearly out of his depth,” said Taylor Swift Fan Discord moderator Deanna Patel. “Tolkien is a hack, the rubbish that guy crapped out can’t touch the rich universe that Taylor already created with her first album alone. And it’s done nothing but grow and evolve. This lore spans decades, with more characters and plot twists than he can even begin to comprehend. Let’s be honest: the road to the lakes of Windermere where poets go to die is paved with the bodies of people who can’t keep up, and I just saw a pothole that needs filling.”
While Patel’s warning may seem severe, other experts have also relayed a sense of caution to the new fan
“Starting from square one is never easy, but it’s nearly impossible when becoming a Swiftie later in life,” said Elise Vaughan, the Cedrick McMillan Professor of Literary Studies at Western Michigan University. “To understand Taylor Swift is to solve a puzzle within a puzzle within a puzzle. Unlocking the secrets of the albums is only the start. Now, the entire NFL is intertwined with the Saga of Swift and every team holds its own clues and deeper meanings. There’s at least 6 to 7 dissertations worth of untangling to do, so just waltzing in like this will never go well.”
Ignoring these warnings, Carey continued to explore Swiftie lore on his own but is off to a rocky start, as reports have surfaced claiming that Swifties ran Carey completely off social media for saying he “liked the maple wood paneling on the Midnights cover” when, clearly, it is cedar.