PHILADELPHIA — Local band Pugilist came under intense scrutiny within the Oi! scene due to the fact that nowhere does the word “cock” exist in their name, several bald, angry sources report.
“We can’t have wankers parading around our scene calling themselves working class punk and not even have ‘cock’ in their name, it’s just not right,” traditional skinhead Roger “Roddy” Gilmore explained, while shaving his head despite doing it a mere four hours earlier. “How can a street punk band go around claiming to be working class tough guys with a name that doesn’t even sound like a middle-schooler would giggle at it? They’d better cock-up that name real quick if they want to save what little reputation they have. I suggest maybe going with ‘Cockulist’ or maybe ‘Pugicock,’ so they can fit in with Cock Sparrer, Cockney Rejects, and COCK COCK COCK.”
Pugilist’s guitarist and lead singer Gary Mcbryde thought he and his band could possibly break new ground by omitting the word from their name.
“We have the hooks, the catchy choruses, and the boots and braces, but we ain’t got the cock,” Mcbryde stated. “Who would have thought the Oi! scene would be so close-minded and downright hateful towards something! Being viewed as posers has made me seriously consider growing out my hair and starting a horror punk band. At least I know that scene has no shred of dignity whatsoever to ever compromise.”
Music historian Allison Woo revealed how often bands of certain genres fail to escape their usual stereotypes.
“We all know the standard Oi! tropes. The boisterous lyrics, drunken fistfights over football (soccer), and the occasional vague-but-you-know-where-they-stand political views. And that’s what is needed to separate Oi! from the rest of the punk world,” Woo said. “Whenever this stuff is ignored, it just doesn’t work. It would be like if an indie band didn’t name themselves after an animal or woodland creature. It just doesn’t make sense otherwise. That’s why all Oi! bands must be named after a synonym for rooster. We need name consistency as fans.”
At press time, Pugilist agreed to change their name to Cock Wrangler, but were immediately sued by the 13 other Oi! bands with the same name.