It’s hard to find a reliable roommate who pays rent on time, cleans up after themselves, and doesn’t take a dump in the kitchen sink when they’re hammered. That’s why when listening to music it’s often important to assess whether the lyricist is roommate material. Luckily, we did the hard work for you and ranked 50 leads by how good they would be to split rent with.
50. GG Allin
Safe to say GG never flushes, and we’d somehow have to buy toilet bowl cleaner weekly instead of our usual once every four years.
49. Michale Graves
Proud Boys are notorious for not doing dishes because according to them, “that’s a woman’s job.” Plus, he’d have Fox News on in the background all day long and always try to get me to storm government buildings with him. I simply do not have the energy for all that.
48. Morrissey
Morrissey would call a nightly house meeting to air his grievances but always cancels at the last minute. Then he’d ask where we all were for the meeting. Listen, if anyone’s going to gaslight in this household it’s going to be me to the electric company.
47. Bono
Bono would hang one of those “in this house we believe” signs on the front lawn before pleading with the county to get the affordable housing unit to be built two towns over instead of down the street. Plus, he’d always be asking me to sign weird petitions.
46. Johnny Rotten
Don’t ask me how I know but this man does zero chores.
45. Jack White
Jack White seems like he would give me a very demand-y tour rider before moving in. But I just don’t have the time to cut the crust off of his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for him. I’ve got TV shows to catch up on.
44. Fat Mike
It doesn’t matter how many Post-it notes of my name are on my leftover meatball parmesan sandwich in the fridge, Fat Mike is going to finish it without my consent. Then he’s going to complain that it wasn’t very good and that I should’ve gone to the place across the street instead.
43. Rob Zombie
Rob would always be asking to borrow money because he just has to have some rare prop from “The Munsters” TV show that he’s currently bidding on. While I agree that the Eddie Munster suit looks would go perfectly with the Lily Munster gown collectible he already has, is it really worth $15,000?
42. Tim Armstrong
Tim wouldn’t believe someone would throw out a perfectly good mattress he found on the sidewalk. Only to realize three days later that the stained Serta is infested with bed bugs that, according to him, will “probably work itself out.”
41. Henry Rollins
Henry would be a total nightmare during board game night. I don’t even want to envision the tantrum we would have to endure if he lost at Settlers of Catan. He’d also somehow know rules for games that aren’t even in the instructions.
40. Billy Corgan
Billy just seems like he would never let me turn the heat on in winter and remind me that I forgot to shut off the kitchen light after I left. Just let me drain my bank account on basic utilities in peace.
39. Julian Casablancas
Julian would always be leaving hair in the sink. Not the bathroom sink. The kitchen one. We all know strands of hair belong in the shower, not the sink.
38. Dave Mustaine
He’d be fine roommate-wise, but I wouldn’t be able to bring Dave anywhere because he’d always ask to see the manager at every establishment we visit. Our weekly Dave and Buster’s visit is going to be completely ruined by this guy.
37. John Lennon
John sang a lot about love, so he would definitely be the kind of person who would hang a “Live, Laugh, Love” sign in every room. He’d swear it just goes well with his “But First, Coffee” sign in the kitchen.
36. Anthony Kiedis
Anthony would put the toilet paper roll on backwards and call that “California style.” I’m not rearranging my entire life for any member of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Maybe Flea.
35. Trent Reznor
Trent seems like the kind of guy who breeds dogs on the side. He would of course do this in the living room when I’m trying to watch “Succession.” All I ask is that I don’t watch animals procreate while Brian Cox is on the screen.
34. Geddy Lee
The lead singer of Rush is for sure a sword guy, which means he’ll be late on rent again this month because he just had to get the Game of Thrones replica Heartsbane Damascus imported from Iceland. Can’t you just get the store-brand one?
33. Ian MacKaye
Ian is the most straight edge person in existence, which is totally cool, but he’s probably going to give me a stern lecture for taking Advil to relieve my headache. I prefer not to hide my ibuprofen dependence from the people I live with.
32. Chris Carrabba
Chris seems like a very sensitive person. That’s totally fine, but there are only so many times I can hear about how he thinks he pissed off the Rite-Aid cashier because he asked if she could break a 20-dollar bill. I’m sure she doesn’t hate you, Dashboard.
31. Jello Biafra
Sure, he’d get annoying pretty quickly since he would call me a yuppie every time I had to go to my job at the warehouse, even though he doesn’t work at all, but he could probably talk a home invader out of stealing my laptop while we were tied up. Or at the very least, irritate the crap out of them until they flee.