PHOENIX, Ariz. — Local bassist and film studies drop-out Will Levey reportedly refers to his new love interest, Allison Alonzo, as “the Nancy to my Sid,” sources who hope he’s not exactly sure what a phrase like that might mean, confirmed.
“Every star needs his muse that is totally and unabashedly defined by his existence. Our aesthetic as a couple will define my music for a lifetime,” explained Levey. “John had Yoko. Tommy Lee had Pamela Anderson. When I saw her at my band Boot Dirt’s basement house show last week, I knew that she was, like, the Ramona Flowers to my Scott Pilgrim. We fight and scream and yell with a passion that only musicians and their girlfriends could understand. That’s how I know she’s the one this year.”
Alonzo is reportedly flattered by the comparison, and aims to finish watching the film that inspired the comparison “pretty soon.”
“‘Sid and Nancy’ is a cult classic. I think cult classic movies have the most accurate portrayal of healthy, loving, and successful relationships,” she explained. “When Jason Dean from Heathers said their love was god when he killed those kids? Or when Jake Ryan from Sixteen Candles trades his unconscious girlfriend for a pair of Sam’s underwear? I’m so lucky to have watched and romanticized these films at such a young and impressionable age. I bet the ending of Sid and Nancy embodies that.”
Some of the new couple’s friends are hesitant to accept the foundation that Levey and Alonzo have built their love upon.
“Honestly, I am worried Will and Allison have blurred the line between what they think are fictional characters and real people while chasing a joint aesthetic,” announced mutual friend Lana Wood. “I’m not confident that either of them actually knows who Sid and Nancy were or how that whole thing played out, or that that movie is based on a true story. It hurts me to see people glorify drug use and inappropriate behavior with a paramour. I can only approve of the toxic relationships I get in, not other people’s. It’s called being a good friend.”
At press time, the couple had broken up for the eighth time.
Photo by Jana Miller.