QUEBEC — Local scofflaw Donald Ross was seen spanking it outside of Fantasy World, which clearly has a designated area for that sort of thing as displayed on several prominently displayed billboards across the highway leading up to and away from it.
“I didn’t know that I was in front of a safe place to whack it. I assumed the traffic in town was light enough to pull over, and maybe it was safe to start poaching the egg right then and there, but I was clearly and quickly informed otherwise,” Ross explained. “It is nice to know there is a place guys like me can go to wank it in peace away from the scrutiny of our wives and shift managers, but they should be clearly marked. The windows were all darkened, and nothing was clearly marked saying they have those little booths in there.”
Alexandra Galbo was enjoying her lunch at a sushi shop across the street from the shop when she witnessed the act.
“I mean, this day in age, with as many vacant store buildings and crumbling infrastructure in this country, this guy had to drop everything and jerk it in front of my lunch spot? What a world we live in,” Galbo said. “He could have easily done what anyone else would have done and resisted the urge until he got inside a booth and paid his $.50/minute. I mean, there’s a back door entrance for that and everything. I really feel like people in this country just don’t have the same morals that they used to.”
Adult bookstore owner Rick O’Neal weighed in on the bizarre events of the day.
“It’s a slap in the face to someone like me to do it the new school way of using the internet, when I provide the public with such an array of VHS porn,” he stated. “Sure, there are some dodgy individuals lurking about, maybe the floors are a little sticky or whatever, but dammit, you just don’t get that same feeling of safety jerking off in your vehicle like you do in a nice, cozy booth such as the ones I provide to this community. A little self-awareness would have been nice.”
At press time, Ross was found pissing outside of a Port-O-Potty at a nearby construction site.