Listen, fellas. Enough’s enough. We don’t have another show for at least 3 months and, honestly, that one isn’t exactly set in stone. Our time on earth is finite and these fleeting moments may be all we have. So do we really need to run through the same 20-minute set we play every fucking week?
Let’s try something different for once! Here are 7 reasons why we don’t need to play the same 5 songs and one Fall Out Boy cover that we play every goddamn week.
First of All, It’s My Parent’s Basement – It’s been almost a year since my parents graciously allowed us to practice down here. And no, this is coming from me, not them. Sure, they’ve voiced the same sentiment but I also believe in respecting this space, unlike when I was growing up and also whenever they’re out of town.
We’ve Been Posting “Big Things Coming” For Way Too Long Now – This is like 90% of our social media presence. If we don’t start doing some new stuff, our 142 followers are going to eventually look elsewhere for announcements about upcoming big things.
I Bought Two New Guitars This Past Year – They’re meant for alternate tunings and they have humbuckers. Our current set is more of a single-coil type of sound and if that doesn’t change, I don’t know how I’ll be able to look at myself in the mirror while holding two guitars.
We Need at Least 10 Songs for the Album if Anyone is Gonna Take Us Seriously – We haven’t changed it up since before the first pandemic outbreak and we’ve been a band for 5 years. Everybody’s heard it all before. By the time the LP comes out, our entire core audience will be married with kids, especially since half of them (Shelly) is pregnant with the other half’s (Mark’s) baby!
I’m 30, and I Need Some New Hobbies at This Point – I dunno, I’m starting to think that those assholes that go axe throwing every Wednesday are having more fun than me.
This Band is One of the Only Things Keeping me in Connecticut – Fuck Connecticut.
To Be Honest, I Don’t Like You Guys Very Much – Don’t get me wrong, you’re all solid players, but have any of you even noticed that I lock the deadbolt the second you all leave? You are literally the last people I want to be with.