December 2023 - Page 14 of 17

Slipknot Masks Ranked by How Appropriate They’d Be for a First Date

Sean Fallon • December 6, 2023

Congratulations, you finally scored a date. But things only get more difficult from here. Where do you go on the…

Band With Perfectly Orchestrated “Free Bird” Bit Still Waiting on Song Request

Matt McInerney • December 6, 2023

NORTHAMPTON, Mass. — Members of the reflective indie band Willimantic Trail uncharacteristically planned an elaborate routine in response to “Free…

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Wasted Potential? This Guy Has a Full Sleeve of Disney Tattoos

Ben Friedman • December 6, 2023

It’s safe to say that everyone at this tattoo convention can agree that the body is a blank canvas. Some…

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Every Anberlin Album Ranked Worst To Best

Scott Waldman • December 6, 2023

First off, Anberlin broke the Christian Rock interweb with their recent announcement that Matty Mullins of Memphis May Fire is…

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Paleontologists Admit They Still Have No Idea How Dinosaurs Humped

Tim Graham • December 6, 2023

CINCINNATI — Dinosaur experts gathering for the annual Society of Vertebrate Paleontology conference made the surprising announcement that they still…

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Ranked: The Top 50 Christmas Horror Movies We Shouldn’t Have Screened for a Class of Preschoolers

Dan Rice • December 5, 2023

Well, you try to do something nice for the holiday season and what happens? You get banned from preschools across…

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Climate Conference Attendees Dazzled by Crude Oil Fountain in Dining Hall

Ben Friedman • December 5, 2023

DUBAI — Attendees of the COP28 Climate Summit set aside the solutions to impending climate catastrophe after being dazzled by…

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Every The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus Album Ranked Worst To Best

Scott Waldman • December 5, 2023

Middleburg, Florida’s The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus formed in 2003, was under the radar until 2006, and released their debut album…

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Crust Punk Multiplies After Getting Wet

Graham Saunders • December 5, 2023

PORTLAND, Ore. — Local crust punk Rusty Steinman reportedly multiplied at a rapid rate after coming into direct contact with…

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Fuck! My Attorney is Getting Drunk at the Same Bar as Me

Ben Friedman • December 5, 2023

Ugh, what a day. I never want to see the inside of a courtroom again! Seriously, you drive drunk through…

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