March 2020 - Page 5 of 30

5 Self-Diagnosis Tips to Help You Decide Which Mental Illness Your Ex Had

V.F. Thompson • March 27, 2020

Have you ever tried to explain how crazy your ex was only to find out that the dude you’re hitting…

pop-punk, frontman, young, girl, girlfriend, COVID-19

Careless Girlfriend Endangers Older, Compromised Immune System of Pop-Punk Frontman Boyfriend

John Danek • March 27, 2020

PLAINVIEW, N.Y. — 16-year-old Misty Lebowitz carelessly endangered her much, much older and immunocompromised pop-punk singer boyfriend Scotty McDickers yesterday…

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UBI to Be Distributed Over Daily Login Bonus on Whitehouse.gov

Owen Crowlie • March 27, 2020

WASHINGTON — In order to streamline distribution, sources are reporting that Universal Basic Income will be distributed to Americans via…

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5 Places City Officials Made More Punk Rock

Kevin Tit • March 27, 2020

"I LOVE LIVIN’ IN THE CITY!" Hell yeah. "FEAR" said it best in their comedy sketch on Saturday Night Live…

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midwest, midwestern, new york, radio city

Wide-Eyed Midwest Girl Getting Off Bus at Radio City Tackled By National Guard

Aidan Sears • March 27, 2020

NEW YORK — National Guard Troops apprehended Iowa native and big-hearted dreamer Elieen Denham yesterday, dive-tackling her in front of…

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Single Viewer of Twitch Stream Under More Pressure Than Streamer

Ben Doyle • March 27, 2020

ROCKVILLE, M.D. — After accidentally clicking on “bigjeremygaming_33 plays minecraft (xbox) very funny,” local Twitch user Nathan Elbaum came to…

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As Your Vice President, the Question Isn’t Whether We’ll All Die of Coronavirus, but Where We’ll Go When We Do

Zach Russell • March 27, 2020

Our nation is facing the great task of slowing the spread of coronavirus, and many Americans are frightened. Why, I…

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iggy pop, iggy, covid-19, coronavirus, haz mat

Iggy Pop Removes Torso Section From Hazmat Suit

Kevin Tit • March 27, 2020

MIAMI — Proto-punk legend Iggy Pop removed the torso section from his hazmat suit yesterday, designed to protect the aging…

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Boyfriend Can’t Find the Crit

Jeremy Kaplowitz • March 27, 2020

BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Local woman Anita Harrison expressed disappointment during a game of Dungeons and Dragons when her boyfriend Steven…

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Audience Shocked after “Masked Singer” Revealed to be Former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan

Patrick Coyne • March 26, 2020

LOS ANGELES — “The Masked Singer” fans were shocked last night when the sassy, playful, incognito contestant Mr. Monster was…

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