SPRINGFIELD, Mo. — Local frontman Spencer Wilt made an impassioned declaration to the Coronavirus "and other infectious diseases," clarifying that…
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Lauren Lavin
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ATLANTA — In an effort to slow the spread of the novel COVID-19, the Center for Disease Control recommended today…
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Jeremy Kaplowitz
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MUSHROOM KINGDOM — The perverted Dr. Mario has disgraced the medical community once again after stitching together three goomba victims…
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Eric Navarro
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As a relatively young and healthy person, I’m appalled by the cavalier attitudes of my peers who are not taking…
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Freelancer
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WASHINGTON — The Democratic National Committee released a statement earlier this week urging all American citizens to exercise their right…
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Peter Casciato
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BEAVERTON, Ore. — Friends and family of Magic: The Gathering enthusiast Gabe Roberts have said that the once-casual player has…
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Shea Strauss
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I’m just a normal, average billionaire. If you prick me, do I not bleed the same virgin-transfused blood as any…
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Collin Canning
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LUBBOCK, Texas — Psych-rock band Three Inch Teeth treated their drummer Mitchell Gauthier to a night on the town last…
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Jimmy Beliakoff
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NEW YORK — Upon returning from a shopping trip to the Rockefeller Center Nintendo shop, gaming enthusiast Amy Weiss was…
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Dan Rice
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ATLANTA — Patrons of Leatherman’s Bluff Sex Emporium were cresfallen today upon learning that Dark Spectrum, the clubs monthly “anything…
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