Cool Teacher Lets Students Call Him by First Name in Bed

DURHAM, N.C. — High school teacher Eddie Dunn was named “coolest teacher in school” in the Mount Hills Senior High yearbook superlatives last year for letting his students call him by his first name in bed, according to industry sources.

“He’s just so cool. Nobody deserves that award more than him,” 11th-grader Claudia Wise said. “He is the only teacher that actually treats us like adults. Plus, he smokes in between classes, and in bed after sex.”

Dunn, who has taught 12th-grade English for six years, has always been admired by his pupils for his casual approach to educating.

“I like how comfortable he makes us feel. He’s more like a dope, older friend than an authority figure,” sophomore Clark Jacobs said. “During school, we’re so wrapped up in what feels like casual conversation, I don’t even realize how much I’m learning. And he’s pretty chill about his ‘anything goes’ policy in the bedroom.”

Mount Hills faculty members took note of Dunn’s success.

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“It’s remarkable,” principal Allison Marshall said in between phone calls from irate parents. “Mr. Dunn — I’m sorry, Eddie — has his students truly engaged in the curriculum. His methods may be a little… abstract, but he knows how to reach his students and truly inspire them. And that’s exactly what I said when I testified at his trial.”

Marshall wasn’t the only authority figure to recognize Dunn’s undeniable coolness.

“When I took him down to the station… man, that guy made it a pleasure just to do my job,” Ofc. Jeffrey Douglass said. “Dude’s got a sick Camaro T-Top, and he even let me light the tires up and do a wicked smoke show in the school parking lot. I used to think school was lame, but he’s inspired me to go back and finish my anger management class.”

While most students appreciated Dunn’s remarkable coolness, one pupil reported learning an unexpected lesson.

“I feel like Mr. Dunn really prepared me for college,” graduating senior Edna Floyd said. “He taught me to avoid teachers like him — which is helpful, because I hear there are a lot of them in college.”

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Article by Eric Navarro @erictries2hard.


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