John Danek
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HARRISBURG, Pa. — Those invited to celebrate the marriage of punk drummer Scotty Corless and slaughterhouse foreman Anna “Slander” Dietrich…
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Patrick Coyne
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HARRISBURG, Pa. — Local man and alleged former drug addict Kyle Drury is “weirdly braggy” about the apparently darkest, most…
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Patrick Crooks
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LOS ANGELES — CBS executives announced today the return of “2 Broke Girls” as an OnlyFans exclusive, following the success…
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Tyler Dark
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LEXINGTON, S.C. — Forest Hills Middle School sixth grader Brynn Ruark effortlessly secured the title of “coolest kid in school”…
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Dom Turek
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CHESAPEAKE, Va. — A local dog was left anxiety-ridden and unable to finish his pile of vomit yesterday after being…
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James Knapp
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CAMDEN, N.J. — A green Bic lighter still hasn’t given up hope that it will one day no longer be…
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Jeremy Kaplowitz
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BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Experts warned today that listening to the hit Mountain Goats song “This Year” is no longer enough…
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Mark Bouchard
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SALT LAKE CITY — Barista and local punk Miranda Byers is celebrating her additional shift at Baxter’s Garden today with…
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Patrick Coyne
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COLUMBUS, Ohio — Local depressed woman Jane Lively mindlessly broke the hot dog-eating world record yesterday after consuming 76 weiners…
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PITTSFORD, Vt. — 28-year-old Alex Solorzano is now in his seventh week of blaming social distancing for his sexual inactivity,…
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