Tim Sheard
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VATICAN CITY – The Holy See Press Office announced that Pope Francis chose the calming embrace of death rather than…
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Ryan Danley
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NEW YORK — Local punk rocker and present-day messiah, Lenny “Resin” Jackson stunned the masses crashing at his squat by…
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Bobby Korec
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PORTLAND, Ore. — A group of local potheads went door to door singing stoner metal carols to celebrate 4/20, confirmed…
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Zack Zagranis
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WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump delayed the annual White House Easter Egg Roll a in order to allow time to…
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Corey Montgomery
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Congratulations! You’ve made it through another week of wildly conflicting information and malaise. You probably don’t deserve a break, but…
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Bobby Korec
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WASHINGTON — Members of the GOP claimed that the opening lyrics to the Misfits’ song “Last Caress” was proof that…
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Ben Friedman
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INDIO, Calif. — Coachella attendee Kayle Cooper breathed a sigh of relief after discovering the Native American headdress she was…
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WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump made the bold claim that his economy is “hugely much stronger” than that of the…
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Corey Montgomery
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Even though the stock markets are in chaos and the economy seems on the brink of complete collapse, thanks to…
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WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. — Local guitarist and noted pushover Jackson Ermine revealed his customary pre-show ritual consisted of letting everyone…
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