New year, new you, right? Wrong. You’ve spent the past week essentially maintaining your increasingly sad status quo despite several drunken proclamations to do the…
Your parents are kind of like real-life superheroes when you’re growing up, so when they sit you down at the tender age of 26 to…
You’re home for the holidays! Though your parents would cut off a limb to spend any amount of quality time with you, the first thing…
You might be a squatter, but it’s just to keep the rebellious new wave, CBGB, Lower East Side spirit alive. Squatting in houses of families…
Machine Head are an Oakland-based groove metal band formed in 1991 by guitarist and vocalist Robb Flynn at a Metallica show. The band’s lineup has…
The punk scene loudly promotes inclusivity. All are welcome, regardless of your age, race, religion, gender identity, or socioeconomic status, as long as you hate…
LA MESA, Calif. — Prolific thrash metal frontman Dave Mustaine started a rival retirement organization after being removed from the American Association of Retired Persons…
Oh man, have you seen my Cybertruck? It’s so fucking sick, dude. Just look at it. It’s like something straight out of a 1980s dystopian…
With all these women making serious bank on social media sharing their lives as “Trad Wives” it got me thinking: I’m a traditional husband; why…
Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the inside of this subterranean Disneyland prison complex is so delightful. That’s right, I might be the one…
Go through the Christmas carol canon and there are dozens of songs about wanting to to fuck Santa Claus. “Santa Baby.” “I Saw Mommy Kissing…
When I left home to become a big-time mall Santa divorce attorney in New York City, I never thought I’d end up back in my…
Well, it’s that magical time of the year again. It’s the holidays and all that capitalist bullshit that we used to make fun of when…
Whether you are among the 1% aristocrats or just a big Kubrick fan playing pretend, Christmas is a time to get naked and recreate everyone’s…
As the unofficial assistant hiring manager for Frankie’s Frozen Pizzas Incorporated, I’ve seen my fair share of disrespectful candidates, but I can’t say I recall…