LOS ANGELES — Local mother Donna Haim urged the three members of her daughters’ band HAIM to take their little brother with them on tour…
BURLINGTON, Vt. — Local white woman Donna Phelps helpfully reminded her biracial friend Mariah Dominguez that they are, in fact, partially white too, upon hearing…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — New father Gareth Desmond began to question his wife’s fidelity after she gave birth to a baby in full corpse paint which…
SUNNYSIDE, N.Y. — 37-year-old former punk Colson Rankford reportedly retired his favorite medium-sized band T-shirt citing newfound maturity and downplaying his slowed-down metabolism, relieved sources…
MESA, Ariz. — Black metal band Christrot took a band promo photo in what is obviously a restaurant storage cooler in order to emulate the…
LOS ANGELES — Psych-rockers Flute Gingrich appeared on the popular Amoeba Records Youtube series “What’s in my Bag?” and instead of choosing a handful of…
PITTSBURGH — Local thrash metal band Toxic Warning held an emergency intervention for bassist Nick Rodriguez whose sober lifestyle has reached its breaking point with…
ANAHEIM, Calif. — Local bassist Randy Jacobs is reportedly doling out expert advice on maintaining relationships despite being currently band-less and having just finished going…
CEDARBURG, Wisc. — Local school safety officer Jacob Miller quietly admitted he was jealous of a gunman that opened fire on a classroom killing eight…
Each week we bring you a review of an album that mysteriously appeared in our office. We have no idea how these albums get here,…
WASHINGTON — The Department of Education announced a nationwide initiative to protect America’s police officers from the epidemic of school shootings by creating high-end panic…
Each Sunday, The Hard Times travels back and reviews a notable album from the past. This week we’re taking a look at Fu Manchu’s debut…
Do you remember that god-awful movie “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button?” It starred Brad Pitt as an old baby who lives backwards and fucks…
CHICAGO – Local law enforcement officials reported fielding multiple noise complaints regarding punk music venue The Brine Factory from occupants of the newly opened high-end…
ORLANDO, Fla. — Disney-obsessed middle-aged man Sebastian Werner is to be tried as a minor after allegedly assaulting several guests at the happiest place on…