NEW YORK — Layne Morris, the bassist of death metal outfit Crystal Casket, caused a scramble between audience members who attempted to retrieve the fingers…
VH1’s “I Love the 80’s” is one of my favorite shows ever. Get a bunch of comedians, TV personalities, and pop historians together, then let…
Black Sheep of Nu-Metal Family Can’t Grow Soul Patch
BOSTON – Middle child and walking disappointment to his Nu-metal family Trevor Briggs Jr. is the only one in his family who doesn’t have the…
Doom Drummer Studies for LSAT Between Snare Hits
LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — Local doom metal drummer and law student John Hennion used the extended gaps in between snare hits to study for the…
Review: Type O Negative “Bloody Kisses”
Each week, The Hard Times takes a look back at a classic album, some of which are easier to find through a cursory Google search…
Review: GWAR “The New Dark Ages”
Everyone’s favorite interplanetary barbarian space warriors GWAR are back with their 15th studio album “The New Dark Ages” which will be accompanied by a graphic…
SALEM, Ore. — Metalhead and biology lab technician Chris Mathes once again cut the fingertips off his safety gloves despite the risk of contamination and…
Metalhead Uses Only Phone Call From Jail to Tell Random Person How Much He Thinks Ghost Sucks
DETROIT – Metalhead Drew Fronski used his one and only phone call from the county jail to get one last unprovoked jab in at the…
Check Out This Asshole! He Likes a Slightly Different Subgenre of the Extremely Specific Music We Both Love
Can you believe this asshole? Sitting there like an idiot, playing that alt nu-metal garbage on repeat again. You can practically hear the band’s soul…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Brave souls slinging drinks at the Slumbar Saturday night prepared for the rush of headbangers hurling towards them during a set by…
Review: Arch Enemy “Deceivers”
With all the turmoil in the world, we can be happy that Swedish legends Arch Enemy are back with their long-awaited 11th album “Deceivers” which…
“One” by Metallica is not only a great thrash metal song, it’s one of the most kickass pieces of music ever. But if we’re really…
Instead of Scary Forest or Dirty Warehouse Maybe We Pick Some Place Nice for Our Photo Shoot This Time?
Okay hear me out, fellas. I’m not trying to say that our past photo shoots weren’t great. I love the memories we made that time…
Woman Honestly Glad Man is Gatekeeping Nu-Metal
CHICAGO 一 Local woman and record collector Sara Yousefi feels extremely relieved and happy that a random man has decided to gatekeep nu-metal, groaning sources…
HELL — Local metalhead Duane Hovey came to a shocking discovery after a tragic gravity bong explosion that the dark lord himself prefers the sounds…