In the years prior to 1983 (give or take), many fans of hard rock and heavy metal were trapped with the ultimate crisis: the need…
AUSTIN, Texas — Lady Nocturne, the founder and sole member of anonymous black metal project Broken Widow, admitted her secret identity only exists to spare…
PORTLAND, Maine — Police were forced to drop all charges against local metalhead Bryant Newman after Newman was able to use the shirt he purchased…
Doom Metal Fan Listens to Podcasts at .05x
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local doom metal aficionado Matt Galloway admitted he prefers to listen to podcasts at a mind-numbing .05x speed setting, confirmed bewildered and…
Every Meshuggah Album Ranked Worst to Best
There are very few bands who make me want to dance one moment and then headbutt a cactus the next. Sweden’s Meshuggah is one of…
Every Dio Album Ranked Worst to Best
The origins of Dio can be traced back to of all things a mixing disagreement for a live album. Band namesake Ronnie James Dio and…
Oh, You’re a Metalhead? Name Three Metal Bands You Fucking Hate With Every Ounce of Your Being
Ha, I remember when I wore my first band shirt. I bet you just love Venom and think they’re the greatest NWOBHM band to come…
Every Strung Out Album Ranked From Worst to Best
Strung Out revolutionized punk music by being talented. Metal-infused skate punk with a hint of thrash has never been this technically proficient. The solos per…
NEW YORK — Heavy metal outfit Awakened Flesh, vocal critics of arena rock band Ghost both in person and on social media, is said to…
Every Isis Album Ranked Worst to Best
Isis, perhaps better known as “Isis + Band” when you Google them now because of that other unfortunately-named group, released 5 post-metal auditory journeys that…
President of Pantera Fan Club Referred to as “Grand Wizard”
ARLINGTON, Texas — The fan club for popular heavy metal band Pantera reportedly uses the same title for its president as the leader of the…
20 Albums That Your Parents Hated So Much They Wished You Were Never Born That Turn 20 This Year
You remember 2003, don’t ya? Sure you do. September 11th was still fresh in everyone’s minds, the Devils won the Stanley Cup, you and your…
The year is 1974. Your band Van Halen is starting to get a little bit of buzz around Pasadena and the surrounding areas of Los…
Man Still Adamant “Talk Dirty to Me” is a Masterpiece Even After Hour 7 of Being Tortured by Pitchfork Editors
RENO, Nev. – Local music fan Roger Dalton remains steadfast in his opinion that Poison’s seminal hit “Talk Dirty to Me” is a “fucking jam”…
Every Exodus Album Ranked
Fans of Exodus will angrily, and physically, fight the fact that this band belongs in the Big 4 of heavy metal next to Slayer, Anthrax,…