NORTH ATTLEBORO, Mass. — Several youths were ordered to stop playing with miniature skateboards by very small police officers outside the Emerald Square Mall, according…
GREENSBORO, N.C. — Local angsty teen goth hang and ironic t-shirt purveyor Hot Topic traded one of their employees to the more age-appropriate Ann Taylor…
SAN ANTONIO — Employees at the Hot Topic store in Ingram Park Mall are working diligently to replace all of the Halloween season “The Nightmare…
LOS ANGELES — A brand new Hot Topic franchise opened for business on Hollywood Boulevard mere moments after acclaimed director Tim Burton received his star…
Those of you who have been asking for a Maroon 5 review are in luck, and also, go fuck yourselves. This past weekend we accidentally…
DALLAS — Patrons of the NorthPark Center believed they witnessed a Christmas miracle when a mall Santa with a very prominent Pantera tattoo refrained from…
FRISCO, Texas — Hot Topic manager Julia Hargrave reportedly urged employees to prepare for an influx of older relatives with limited pop culture knowledge to…
I am constantly thinking about what sort of outlandishness the liberals will force upon us next. What else will their Godless minds twist and contort…
CITY OF INDUSTRY, Calif. — Mall chain store Hot Topic announced that it has grown out of its punk phase and finds its past pretty…
LODI, N.J. — Angsty third grader Billy Monroe reportedly caused a stir among Halloween revelers when he questioned the identity of a local mall Danzig…
Summer is over! It’s growing dark earlier, kids are headed back to school, and there’s a hint of chill in the air. This time of…
VAN NUYS, Calif. — Local nursing student Jade Ng divulged to close friends at a bar yesterday her plans to “fix” her Hinge match, local…
Drat! For once in my gadbum life, I was being responsible. I finally did the adult thing and paid a farking paunchload of cash to…
BOSTON — Local 39-year-old Tool fan Mark Gibson spent his entire shift last Wednesday angry at the fact that a genius of his magnitude was…
Elder abuse is a serious, often unrecognized crisis affecting some of our most vulnerable citizens. Me, in particular. Don’t believe me? Well, just head on…