LAS VEGAS — Desperate 40-year-old man Duke Durado miserably settled last week for a girl in a short skirt and appropriately sized jacket after years…
CHICAGO — Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan finally noticed yesterday that “minimum wage” rhymes with “rat in a cage,” according to horrified sources who have…
NEW YORK — The former members of TLC confirmed a long-held suspicion today that their 1999 hit single “No Scrubs” was written about “Full House”…
VOORHEES, N.J. — Local grandmother and World War 2 hero Dorothy Schuler was asked yesterday by her grandson Darin Roche to apply her code breaking…
Indie rock giants The Pixies have many classic songs about, well, we’re not sure. But what are their greatest anthems to Onanism? Those jams dedicated…
Oh no. Oh fuck. It’s really happening, isn’t it? The Cocteau Twins tried to warn us all along, but we were too foolish, and now…
Guy with Pavement Lyrics on Tinder Profile Looking for Obscure but Critically Acclaimed Relationship
Guy with Pavement Lyrics on Tinder Profile Looking for Obscure but Critically Acclaimed Relationship
CHICAGO — Local Pavement fan Nathan Matthews added Pavement lyrics to his Tinder profile yesterday, hoping to attract a woman with the same exact hyper-specific…
The Harry Potter series has produced some of the most popular and beloved epic novels and films in history. Likewise, Anal Cunt, beloved Massachusetts grindcore…
OMAHA, Neb. — Frontman/songwriter of folk/punk trio Astor tried to write lyrics as haiku poetry, but kept messing up the last line, sources confirm. “I’ve…
EL PASO, Texas — The legal team at Williams & Ruprecht was stunned today when a seemingly normal stack of divorce papers devolved into outright…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Recording artist Mitski announced today that her merchandise will now be available for sale at mental health clinics across the country, klonopin…
CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Local death metal enthusiast Cooper Dempsey realized that the lyrics to Cannibal Corpse’s 1994 classic “Fucked With a Knife” might be a…
WESTERVILLE, Ohio — Struggling Democratic contender Beto O’Rourke wrote several popular lyrics by alternative/metal band 311 on the palm of his hand today just before…
Dozens of songs were reportedly released between June of 2000 and April of 2007 but thanks to multiple concussions, the only one I really remember…
DETROIT — Democratic presidential hopeful Beto O’Rourke was spotted making last minute preparations for the second debate by referencing old punk lyrics hoping to find…