Oh no. Oh fuck. It’s really happening, isn’t it? The Cocteau Twins tried to warn us all along, but we were too foolish, and now…
Guy with Pavement Lyrics on Tinder Profile Looking for Obscure but Critically Acclaimed Relationship
Guy with Pavement Lyrics on Tinder Profile Looking for Obscure but Critically Acclaimed Relationship
CHICAGO — Local Pavement fan Nathan Matthews added Pavement lyrics to his Tinder profile yesterday, hoping to attract a woman with the same exact hyper-specific…
The Harry Potter series has produced some of the most popular and beloved epic novels and films in history. Likewise, Anal Cunt, beloved Massachusetts grindcore…
OMAHA, Neb. — Frontman/songwriter of folk/punk trio Astor tried to write lyrics as haiku poetry, but kept messing up the last line, sources confirm. “I’ve…
EL PASO, Texas — The legal team at Williams & Ruprecht was stunned today when a seemingly normal stack of divorce papers devolved into outright…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Recording artist Mitski announced today that her merchandise will now be available for sale at mental health clinics across the country, klonopin…
CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Local death metal enthusiast Cooper Dempsey realized that the lyrics to Cannibal Corpse’s 1994 classic “Fucked With a Knife” might be a…
WESTERVILLE, Ohio — Struggling Democratic contender Beto O’Rourke wrote several popular lyrics by alternative/metal band 311 on the palm of his hand today just before…
Dozens of songs were reportedly released between June of 2000 and April of 2007 but thanks to multiple concussions, the only one I really remember…
DETROIT — Democratic presidential hopeful Beto O’Rourke was spotted making last minute preparations for the second debate by referencing old punk lyrics hoping to find…
BALTIMORE — Local karaoke enthusiasts were shocked last night to learn that the words to Cosmic Dinosaur’s hit single “Let’s Stop Going” were significantly worse…
MILLWOOD, Wash. — Residents of Millwood, Wash. are reportedly confused by local pop-punk band Pacific Standard, with citizens collectively wondering what they ever did to…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — A new biography titled Coming All Over the Country, chronicling the life of frontman Ollie Campbell of Ollie Campbell and the…
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Local man Dan Traver warned friends this morning that his roommate Will Fu’s tweeting of various Elliott Smith lyrics will likely “…turn…
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Pop-punk frontman and legal adult Brandon DeMarco combed through his teen girlfriend’s diary last night for inspiration, in a desperate attempt to…