OAKLAND, Calif. — Local punk dog Rex Pistols reportedly refuses to eat anything but Doc Martens boots, puzzled sources confirmed. “Hell no, I’m not eating…
If the last few years have taught us anything, it’s that life is precious and we need to protect our mental health at all costs.…
KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Local Lord of the Rings Fan Eldridge Carey has shared his overwhelming appreciation for “the detail and nuance” within current Taylor Swift…
MIAMI — Local sales associate Alice Thompson recently filed for workers’ compensation after claiming her retail store made her perform under “‘vigorous conditions” due to…
Hey guys, first off I have to thank you for your patience in waiting for this update. After I broke into Area 51 to find…
MONTAGUE, Mass. — Local man Jack Callahan is reportedly on day two of trying to type his overly complicated Disney+ password using the remote for…
INDIANAPOLIS — Local man, and Duolingo enthusiast, Brandon Cole horrified friends and acquaintances gathered at an Italian restaurant when he attempted to order food for…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local record collector Eliza Vernon reported being distraught and is demanding a refund after the owner of Infinity Vinyl failed to compliment…
DUBAI — The COP28 Climate Summit concluded with a landmark agreement to phase out fossil fuels under the condition that big oil executives be allowed…
SANTA FE, N.M. — Local man Scott Bernaki, 34, is currently contemplating the series of life choices which led to him deciding to get a…
Ugh, what a bummer. That local vegan restaurant in my neighborhood closed down even though I always thought about going there. This really sucks because…
SMYRNA, Del. — High school metal band Drunk Blacksmith made an adolescent pact that if when they’re all “as old and unappealing as stale dogshit”…
Sure, I’m a foodie. I’ve dined at some of the world’s finest restaurants, I know my way around the kitchen, and I even made bread…
LOWELL, Mass. — Sober punk Michael McDuff impressed music fans and mental health professionals alike with his ability to listen to Celtic punk band Dropkick…
NEW YORK — Spotify dismissed CFO Paul Vogel when a video of him dropping a dollar into a subway busker’s guitar case came to light,…