PHILADELPHIA — Local Punk, Sid Stott, announced his plans to improve his health and well-being by smoking healthier cigarettes in the New Yea, skeptical sources…
Both Beyoncé and Taylor Swift have made this clear: they refuse to be part of any narrative that pits two women against each other. And…
MILPITAS, Calif. — Local data analyst Wendell Peters reportedly received the dreaded “we need to talk” text message, sent from his AI ChatBot Girlfriend, confirmed…
I can’t believe that this keeps happening! What are the odds that another Tinder date had to leave in the middle of me describing how…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — DJ Crockroach of famed metal act Assfault Muffinz admitted that he spends most of his time on-stage at the band’s gigs listening…
When you meet a new person, it can be hard to get a read on them. Is he an intellectual, or just wearing glasses? Do…
LAKE PLACID, N.Y. — Sexually curious man Alex Poe was forced to memorize three pages of acronyms before diving into a new kink, sources who…
Cumming is cool and all, but not cumming is what the real sex pros are doing. For some people, this process of prolonging an orgasm…
SANTA FE, N.M. — Local punk Trevor McGill was shocked but not surprised to find the only existing photo of him not blackout drunk was…
HARTFORD, Conn. — Local woman Kirsten Russet decided to rescind her “out” status as bisexual following online rumors that Paramore is breaking up, sources confirmed.…
Do you have cold hands and really want everyone to know about it? Have you ever looked at sand and thought, ‘Mmm, I want that…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Professional punk magician Lyle “Skid” Harber is reportedly creating spectacles at a number of dive bars in his neighborhood by magically making…
Despite what your friends, family members, and recently assigned parole officer might say, circumstances that seem tragic right now will soon be something you and…
NEW YORK — Centrist supervillain Devin “The Devil’s Advocater” Jameston gave an impassioned monologue today revealing his plan for global domination is just ensuring the…
As you probably know, FUCKIN’ SLAYYYYERRRR! But unfortunately, there are some people out there who are unaware. Yes, I know, it is very sad. What’s…