Throughout my life, I had always felt completely secure in my masculinity. Then, the unthinkable happened — an alpha male lifestyle influencer on TikTok challenged…
SAN LUIS OBISPO, Calif. — Local man Travis Anders recently listened to all 15 Genesis albums while waiting for a chance to back out of…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local 13-year-old Elliot Johnson was reportedly crossing his fingers today hoping that his dad would never come back after heading out for…
Is there a bigger time suck in this world than trying to come up with a new band name? Every time a new band starts,…
NEW YORK — Local man Peter Spearman was shocked when he discovered the frontman of his all-time favorite band Chaos Dissidents was doing low level…
BOSTON — Mark Wahlberg sparked controversy after claiming that Elon Musk’s botched penis implant “wouldn’t have gone down like that” if he was the attending…
A relationship has been confirmed as “officially over” when a woman robbed her former lover at gunpoint. This is a repeat offender who has pillaged…
WASHINGTON — Federal Communications Commission (FCC) employee Joshua Boyd found himself in way over his fucking head after being tasked with censoring a single by…
DENVER — A recent report from social psychologists at the University of Denver revealed that members of the local ska band Bug Wife are regrettably…
There’s no denying that the world is going to hell in a handbasket, and everyone has their opinion on why that is. Well, I’m here…
BALTIMORE — Corey Cruz, drummer of hardcore band Maximum Output, reportedly told lead singer Devin Altman to please put his shirt back on during a…
BIRMINGHAM, England — A large number of the attendees of Black Sabbath’s upcoming reunion show at Villa Park announced their plans to yell “Crazy Train”…
Here at The Hard Times, a lot of us fancy ourselves to be sort of armchair history buffs. As we’re fond of saying around the…
RICHMOND, Va. — A small group of goths squatting at a local residence were mistaken for Victorian ghosts, confirmed police sources. “It was kind of…
CHARLESTON, S.C. — Local gym rat and self-proclaimed doomsday prepper Brock Crocker is really hoping that the next new world order will be rowing-centric, multiple…