While you were all picking out flowers, crafting love poems, and filling the deep and gooey pockets of Hershey and Hallmark this week, we were…
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Local man Timothy Kroeger reportedly lost his shit again despite bragging about how little sleep he needs on a nightly basis,…
So you’re still living paycheck to paycheck despite having a degree and 15+ years of work experience—it’s probably time to look into a side hustle.…
LOS ANGELES — The White House Correspondents’ Association surprised potential guests by announcing Jeff Dunham’s most racist puppet, Bubba J, will host their annual dinner…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump attempted to justify his policy of mass deportations by claiming illegal immigrants are taking up the majority of all guest…
It’s 2025 and after over a decade of unchallenged mainstream hegemony, your hatred of Drake has been vindicated. Look, we all get it. After the…
LOS ANGELES — Local punk Corey Lambert awoke in the middle of the night in a cold sweat after realizing that the devastating Los Angeles…
Female pleasure can be confusing and scary. That’s why these highly sophisticated toys exist. They are actually designed for anyone who wants to be involved…
They say the key to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but what about his mind? That big, powerful mind far too busy thinking…
NEW YORK — Local crustie Joel McCaffrey was seen excitedly planning a romantic Valentine’s Day evening for his partner by leaving a trail of loose…
FORT WORTH, Texas — Local metal frontman Frank Fortibus inadvertently let out the best scream of his entire career during a call with customer service,…
It’s almost inevitable that at some point in life, a member of each family brings over a karaoke machine. Karaoke is meant to help us…
NEW BEDFORD, Mass. — Friends and family of local man Rick Winston marveled at his nonchalant attitude about attending highly anticipated social events without realizing…
WASHINGTON — The U.S. Department of the Interior recognized 34-year-old Rob Meszka of Louisville, Kentucky with the Citizen’s Award for Bravery after he took a…
NEW YORK — Perennially vogue indie group Interpol announced plans to finally remove their sunglasses after 28 years, confirmed sources who finally just got used…