house speaker Archives

Commander Biden Bites All 221 House Republicans, Seizes Speakership

Ryan Dondero • October 24, 2023

WASHINGTON — Commander Biden, President Joe Biden’s two-year-old German Shepard, reportedly bit every single Republican in the House of Representatives…

Desperate Kevin McCarthy Agrees to Two Over-the-Pants Handjobs in Exchange for House Speaker Votes in His Favor

The Hard Times Staff • January 5, 2023

WASHINGTON — Embattled Rep. Kevin McCarthy offered Republican colleagues two over-the-pants handjobs, redeemable at any time within his term, if…

John Boehner Finally Gives into Pressure to Reunite College Band “Raging Boehners”

The Hard Times Staff • September 25, 2015

WASHINGTON - Under intense pressure from fans of his proto-punk band "Raging Boehners," Speaker of the House John Boehner announced…