WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump marked Juneteenth, the federal holiday created in 2021 commemorating the end of slavery in the United States, with a call…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump debuted a completely new pronunciation of the holiday “Cinco De Mayo” while addressing local reporters at the White House today,…
NEW YORK — Local punk rocker and present-day messiah, Lenny “Resin” Jackson stunned the masses crashing at his squat by using his divine abilities to…
It’s 4/20, and you’re probably thinking, “Who cares, I already smoke weed every day,” right? Well, what if I told you that even the most…
ENDICOTT, N.Y. — Local man Jullian Karnes is hopeful for a war waged by the working class towards the wealthy elite this Christmas, but will…
SEATTLE – Christmas carolers and members of local black metal band Kirkeråte only reached three houses before succumbing to the urge to kill one another,…
The holidays are a difficult time for many people, but especially for losers who no one loves or even thinks about. For a lot of…
So, you don’t want to fly home for Thanksgiving but need to avoid the Greek tragedy level guilt trip you’ll receive from your mother if…
BETHLEHEM, Pa. — Consumers across the nation broadly agreed that easter candy tastes better than regular candy despite being made of the same ingredients, sources…
MADISON, Wis. — Local screen printer Peter Taylor admitted he could really use the $10 check his grandmother would send him every Christmas until her…
AKRON, Ohio — Progressive-minded, but very smelly, children across the world woke up to gifts from Crust Punk Santa who enters family homes via the…
Yes, the holiday season is upon us, but before you decorate that tree or light the menorah, won’t you consider making this the year you…
So you’re unemployed for the holidays. Bummer. You might be starting to wonder how you’re going to afford Christmas gifts this year. I mean, you…
The holidays are right around the corner, and you’re looking for the perfect gift for friends. Or maybe you’re even dropping heavy hints in front…
Well, you try to do something nice for the holiday season and what happens? You get banned from preschools across the country, that’s what! At…