NEW YORK — Local punk rocker and present-day messiah, Lenny “Resin” Jackson stunned the masses crashing at his squat by using his divine abilities to…
PORTLAND, Ore. — A group of local potheads went door to door singing stoner metal carols to celebrate 4/20, confirmed sources peering outside their blinds.…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump delayed the annual White House Easter Egg Roll a in order to allow time to thank all the corporate sponsors…
Congratulations! You’ve made it through another week of wildly conflicting information and malaise. You probably don’t deserve a break, but you should take one anyway.…
WASHINGTON — Members of the GOP claimed that the opening lyrics to the Misfits’ song “Last Caress” was proof that people abort babies post-birth, confirmed…
INDIO, Calif. — Coachella attendee Kayle Cooper breathed a sigh of relief after discovering the Native American headdress she was going to purchase to wear…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump made the bold claim that his economy is “hugely much stronger” than that of the administration of about 10 minutes…
Even though the stock markets are in chaos and the economy seems on the brink of complete collapse, thanks to our society’s gradual but persistent…
WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. — Local guitarist and noted pushover Jackson Ermine revealed his customary pre-show ritual consisted of letting everyone he invited know that it’s…
WASHINGTON — As a flurry of new US tariffs continued to shake the world economy, President Trump announced the only place unaffected by his new…
Hey there! How ya holding up? Can we get you anything? A drink? A full frontal lobotomy? Oh. You’re ‘good’? Fair enough. The least we…
Just when you thought international relations couldn’t get any sweeter, we’ve got a story of one long-term pals really showing up for another—the US and…
SAN FRANCISCO — Developers behind the encrypted messaging app Signal updated their terms of service to forbid users from organizing and executing targeted military strikes,…
What a week, huh? What a week, huh? What a week, huh? What a week, huh? What a… sorry. With all the news lately, we’ve…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local hardcore entrepreneur Jeremiah Tiff aimed to open up a second pit after the successful launch of his first one, confirmed sources…