We were already on a pay-to-play tour–How could we be expected to pay for our own food? Lucky for us–a shitty reward system and our…
For as long as I can remember every day of my life has been plagued with feelings of emptiness, inadequacy, and loathing for myself and…
MESA, Ariz. — A waiter’s routine check-in interrupted Ashleigh Firio stuffing six inches of cock in her mouth during a date night with her boyfriend…
Since 1891, the world has enjoyed Nabisco’s greatest and most fuckable creation, the Fig Newton cookie. Although we all have great memories of having a…
Have you ever sunk your teeth into an Impossible Burger and thought to yourself, “Wow this is good, but I’d really love an animal meat-based,…
The Roux Kitchen is the latest endeavor by renowned French celebrity chef Claude Tremblay and is one of the hottest fusion restaurants in the city.…
ELGIN, Ill. — The Texas-based orchestral pop collective The Polyphonic Spree stunned the wait staff of Bennigan’s when they requested 25 separate checks to be…
SAN DIEGO — Members of the vegan hardcore band Right Side were reportedly forced to settle for a pescatarian bass player after their hunt for…
WASHINGTON — President Biden released a series of FDR-inspired fireside mukbangs on TikTok in his latest attempt to win over Gen Z voters, the White…
You don’t really hear much about groupies anymore. It seems the days of hooking up with dudes in bands and traveling with them across the…
DOVER, Del. — Struggling power-thrash band Boot Full of Piss recently sat down to a predictably cheap dinner made up of a bunch of unused…
CHICAGO — Local Guitar Center employee Bridget Wolf carefully cut a fresh guitar strap from a rotating spit before serving it to an eager customer…
MINNEAPOLIS — Longtime vegan Julia Trask presented a full 25-slide PowerPoint explaining how she gets her daily protein to attendees at her family Thanksgiving dinner…
FAIRFAX, Va. — Local sad sack Mark Curtis unknowingly surpassed the world record for consuming the most French onion dip in a single sitting yesterday,…
Excuse me, did you just say white people don’t like spices? Well, how can that be the case when I’m on my third pumpkin spice…