LOS ANGELES — KISS bassist and singer Gene Simmons is reportedly charging fans $12,500 for the opportunity to change the God of Thunder’s colostomy bag,…
LOS ANGELES — Progressive metal band Tool recently announced the “Lateralus Gold” experience, which involves fans paying $10,000 to massage all four men in the…
SEATTLE — Local anarchist Tommy Greggors staunchly declined to answer a survey about his experience at OfficeMax, confirmed sources. “I simply refuse to let the…
Alright, I’ve been looking for jobs for way too long. I have a Bachelor’s degree in computer science, it should not be this hard. I…
NEW YORK — Sigur Ros fans are beaming this morning upon hearing the band’s new album which perfectly captures the universal experience of being wèuupøhjc…
ATLANTA — Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have confirmed that the COVID-19 virus is gearing up for yet another Double-XP Weekend,…
ATLANTA — Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention are confirming that, following several states’ pushes to reopen, the coronavirus has experienced a…
EAU CLAIRE, Wis. — Newly hired intern Rebecca Boulanger will earn time-and-a-half experience for her work on Labor Day from her temporary employer Right Now…
DALLAS — Local freshman Sammy Clifton, the sousaphonist in the Rosethorn High School marching band, reportedly now has more road experience than struggling punk band…
UNDISCLOSED — A secret job opening for an entry level position in the Illuminati posted today requires a minimum of 3-5 years prior experience working…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Recent transplant and aspiring landlord Jenny Holmes is “surprisingly cool,” according to her first tenants, as she is allegedly willing to be…
DENVER — Colorado jam band Nebular Pollywogs released Galaxy of Koi last week, a studio album that fully captures their live show experience and has…
LOS ANGELES — The popular streaming service Hulu engaged customer Amy Klein in a “bizarre, masochistic torture ritual” earlier this week, forcing her to choose her…
PHILADELPHIA — Local punk band Eleanor Rugby are now able to perform spin attacks and wear upgraded armor following a show in which they were…