BOSTON — Mark Wahlberg sparked controversy after claiming that Elon Musk’s botched penis implant “wouldn’t have gone down like that” if he was the attending…
Like any aspiring anarchist, I want to do what I can to burn this entire rotten system to the ground and bring in a new…
MODESTO, Calif. — A local arsonist who torched a brand new Cybertruck as it sat on the lot of a nearby Tesla dealership claims his…
ARLINGTON, Texas — Vice President JD Vance was spotted sign twirling outside of a Tesla dealership today, attempting to convince onlookers to pull in for…
WASHINGTON — Local sex worker Jasmine Lawler is facing years behind bars after being labeled a domestic terrorist because she burst out in hysterical laughter…
WASHINGTON — Elon Musk’s team at the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) launched a GoFundMe campaign to raise money for the savings they claim to…
WASHINGTON — Vice President JD Vance once again shared his belief that Americans need to be having more babies, though sources say it’s become increasingly…
LEBANON, Kan. — The Trump administration announced that the Department of Education has been wholly replaced by a giant iPad playing a constant stream of…
BOSTON — Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology determined that billionaire and father of 13 Elon Musk is statistically three to four children away…
BRAUNAU AM INN, Austria — Democratic Congressman David Eastlund of Nevada bent the rules of time and space as we know it to go back…
DULUTH, Minn. — The massive tech billionaire-run oligarchy suffered a devastating blow today as local account coordinator and frisbee golf enthusiast, Michael Murray, created an…
WASHINGTON — 19-year-old Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) agent Braden Wakefield found himself running short on reasons for why he can’t hang out with his…
Yesterday, Tesla CEO and current Trump BFF Elon Musk wowed the Nazi-sympathizing crowd at CPAC by unveiling The Chainsaw of Bureaucracy, a legendary weapon that…
BOCA CHICA, Texas — Social pariah and world’s richest man Elon Musk made a staggering donation to a new startup with a mission statement of…
WASHINGTON — Elon Musk’s team of DOGE teens used their unprecedented access to federal agencies to create their dream girl using the immense computing power…