PHILADELPHIA — Local 36-year-old Dennis Waller’s out-of-control alcohol problem can evidently be traced back to the large amount of mid-to-late ‘90s professional wrestling he watched…
TOPEKA, Kan. – Local boring millennial Harley Shun admitted that he is horribly embarrassed by his drunken antics which made him enjoyable to be around…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local man Greg Johannssen claims it’s too early in the year for Starbucks to release pumpkin spice flavored drinks despite the fact his…
LOS ANGELES — Former child star Ricky Dugan was seen drunkenly Googling “where am I now?” after a night out at the bar, confirmed sources…
I never thought I’d be a cautionary tale. But now I know you should never get blackout drunk in front of your old friends from…
Alcohol and antidepressants—is there a better combo in the world? According to our doctor, “Yes, almost anything, for the love of God stop drinking on…
ARLINGTON, Texas — Americans everywhere took a brief pause from threatening to kill each other online to share that they believe Ingrid Andress should have…
SAG HARBOR, NY — Justin Timberlake announced his next album will be about how the popular alcoholic beverage Long Island Iced Tea is a lying…
Doctors and scientists will tell you that alcohol is severely dehydrating, but doctors also used to prescribe lobotomies to anyone with ADHD, and scientists were…
CHICAGO — Local metalhead and avid drinker Stephen Mullins realized he needs to donate increasingly larger amounts of blood and plasma just to achieve the…
Whoa, what a night. Always good to catch up with the old crew when I’m back in town. Glad we could all get together for…
With god as his wittiness, Michael Towne will never wake up violently hungover lying in a bed of empty White Claws and crushed potato chips…
NEW YORK — A preview of the upcoming children’s book based on the lyrics of The Hold Steady’s “Stay Positive” revealed a majority of the…
You did it again. The allure of drinking until you blackout was just too tempting, so here you are on another Tuesday, waking up at…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local man Jeremy Squires is celebrating an astonishing 15 years of contemplating sobriety surrounded by friends, family, and bottomless mimosas at his…